It's so fair,.....or at least, it should be

Today I felt lazy, I didn't feel up to doing math, and so I'll get slammed for that later on the tests. Then in StuCo we got a free day. It was pretty cool, back to what Student Council really is all about back in the day. We read some interesting stories from a Cosmo magazine. I can't believe they print the stuff they do, its practically pornography. They talked about sex accidents that ended in the ER. Worst one of all, a man fractured his penis on "his" girls pelvic bone. That would hurt so very bad. English was more of poetry and while I am not fantastic at reading into it, its fun to write and share. I wrote awful poems but they can be pretty entertaining. All in all the day went fast.
Afterschool I didn't feel up to Tennis, my legs were sort of sore and again I felt lazy, so I called in and said I couldn't make it. I spent that time watching TV and eating. Then I talked to Becky and we went on a walk. It was pretty good, conversation was fine, but it was freaking cold. I got a temporary rash deal from it. I'm allergic to something. Then I went home, ate, and went to Mock trial.
I don't get how half of the kids don't even feel it necessary to show up. Everyone ought to have been there and ran through it. I'm pretty much ready for my part. I surprised myself how quickly I picked up the facts. I only read through my affidavit like twice. Heather and I will bring the funk down to the Washington County courthouse come Saturday morning.
Tonight I became confused once again as to what I think vs. thought. I keep over reacting about stuff and its not fun, and I don't like it. Then, an hour later, I think it was a waste of time and I didn't accomplish a thing. And now I don't even want to think about it. I want to take some time off from things and spend it with people I don't have to worry about upsetting.
Tonight I also realized how much of a push-over I am. If you looked up tool in the dictionary you'd find me. I let people walk over me all the time, because I'm too nice to decline. I take things on that I don't necessarily think about, and then it all conflicts and I get overwhelmed for a bit. I can't say no to so many things. Obviously drugs and all that jazz is easy enough, its the stupid trivial things that i don't want to do necessarily, but I say yes to be a good helpful person, even if its not to my favor.
I also figured out how much being fair and equality is important to me. I hate favorites or when people can have something all without letting others have a shot. I noticed it first with my cousin's basketball. There were about four kids that had to have the ball, and would make it a point that they got it, and then there were the push over kids, like me, who would give it to them, and never get anything in return. When I played with them last night, I made it a point to block/heavily guard the ball hogs and tell them they had better pass or I'd get the ball. For the most part they'd try to shoot over me, but several times I got them to do it. There were two kids who hardly got the ball, so when I'd get a ball, I'd "slip" and it'd go to them, and I'd tell them to take it to the hoop and shoot, and they'd be open and the ball hogs would steal it or have them pass it to them. It really goes to everything in life. There are the ball hogs, the pushovers, and the middle men. I wish it'd be more fair. I want to coach kid teams, and show them how little winning matters. I would have everyone play equal time, whether they could shoot or not, or hit the ball, or whatever sport it is. Letting everyone have fun is the point, who the heck cares about a win? It won't give you anything in life, memories are memories. If you had a great time, you'll remember it for that, if you didn't but won, that won't be something you'll want to remember.
I myself feel crappy for taking and not giving the givers something in return. And with borrowing money, That's even bigger. I have people who owe me money from forever ago, I don't pester them for it, but I know if I borrowed it, I'd feel the need to pay it back. Equality is huge for me. It sounds like I'm telling people they aren't good people for not. I'm not doing that. I'm just making self observations.
Oh so idealistic.