Oh my sweet Valentine....
Today was quite the day. I got up at 6:40 and ran for about 25 minutes. In case you weren't up by then, it was like below freezing. I can't say that it was a smart idea, my legs went numb as did my hands, and my lungs hurt from the cold. It took me several hours to really warm up and all the while my stomach hurt. But, it woke me up and I think it added to a good day, so I'll get up again tomorrow, but maybe stay inside and do tae-bo or something.
I love Valentines day. I got so many hugs! Everyone who gave me a hug is fantastic, and I enjoyed it. I learned that I've been missing out a lot. There's a bunch of girls who give great hugs and I didn't even know. And all these valentine cards and what not. Not to mention short classes. Fantastic day of school. To add to all of the great wonderful people who were so nice to me today, becky and I were cool today. No crappiness. I like that.
I'm eating healthier too, more fruits and veggies. This is going well, I really hope it lasts. Thanks everyone for a wonderful valentines day!
posted by Z at 10:01 PM
4 Comments:
bam! i love non-crappiness. it is only when the crappiness is nonexistent that true excellence and rockingness prevails. and that is how it goes, dear sir.
b to the ecky
11:10 PM
You give great hugs. I salute you on that. You're just great. You're very... David. Look, you're your own description.
11:55 PM
Oh, I forgot to say that was me on that anonymous comment. Sorry. I'm just tired from two hours of blah blah talking.
-Danielle
11:57 PM
(A present to David Burton Zavertnik on his unbirthday)
The following is a rather lengthy dissertation on The Funk, the ROCK for this, our new era.
Since the beginning of time, practically, man has endeavored to do mainly one thing; bring out the funk. Now from his first primeval childhood, he was able to get down with the funk in one form or another, but throughout the ages, especially in recent years, he has achieved in great leaps and bounds in his search for true Funk. In the following, we will discuss the funk in music (henceforth known as "beats"), the funk as manifest in apperal (funkly known as "threads"), and ultimately, the evolution of the funk in terrestrial modes of transportation (henceforth refered to as "ride").
It's hard to say when first man layed down that most funky of beats, but historians and archealogists largely agree that by 10,000 BC, the ancient Babylonians already had some primitave form of the Funkout firmly established in their culture, in fact, in some paintings of Gilgamesh, the warrior can be seen holding an animal skin drum in his left hand--the traditional hand of funk--and a battle-axe in his right hand. From this painting, two things can be learned, and they both show signs of early funkstication. First, the early usage of the funk hand, also known as the "pimp" hand in holding the beat machine while using the unfunky hand to hold the axe in progress of laying down a beat--incidently, it should be noted that the typical early usage of a multipurpose instrument in laying down a beat was largely abandoned in lieu of a dedicated funk implement by the time of the rennaisance in all but the poorest countries. This early evidence of the pimp hand was discovered relatively recently; before 1979, the pimp hand wasn't widely believed to have been discovered before the time of the ancient Greeks, as noted by Socrates in his famous oration "You fake tha funk, I'ma let the Pimp hand Fly." Due to the largely localized nature of many societies before the Roman Empire, Funkalicious vinyl, another name for beats, was largely used in ceremonial roles in small communities and did not progress quickly until about the middle ages. In the fall of Rome, the Funk diverged into two radically different schools, first, the oxidental school, largely supported by the Catholic Church, and the oriental school, a descendent of primative funk in the near eastern region, supported by the fledgling Islamic religion, which has changed relatively little to this day. In his papal bull of 571, Pope John III declared the Holy Order of the High Protectorate of Funk, a new office and organization in the church, to be "the most holy Soul [sic] authority on western funk." It was this first typographical error that produced the modern use of the word "soul" as we know it today.
Under the protection of the Catholic Church, the Funk was allowed to go on relatively peacefully until the rennaisance, first going through the phases of ceremonial chant, modal funk, and then renaissance funk. Funkstication in beats progressed at a rather even pace until the birth of Sir George Clinton of the Parliament Funkadelic in 1946. And the rest, as they say, is Funktory.
The progress of Funkatacious threads very closely follows the line of funky beats, man first put his groove on in animal skins, or fig leaves, depending on where he was and what sort of mood he be in. As textile industries grew, threads became more and more ornate, growing first to furs, then to rough cotton cloth in the Mediterranean. The Greeks brought about one of the greatest advances in funkatory threads design with the introduction of the toga. Never before had man been able to lay down grooves with such ease and fluidity of movement unhampered by heavy and stanky skins and harsh abrasive textiles. The toga spread rampant through the ancient world, spreading through the Greek city-states, and then to the emerging Roman culture, which was on the verge of both dominating and furthering the funk into the next millenium.
Perhaps most impactful and lasting change made by the Romans was the introduction of Ice in a playa's wardrobe and threads; the Romans were the very first to widely use lavish and ornate jewelry. As with the aforementioned battle axe, this jewelry was multipurpose, it served both to highlight the funk of a playa--citizen of high status--and to ward off unfunky spirits as he rode around in his pimp ride.
As is evident in early pottery, a sly, pimp ride has almost always been neccessary to properly turn out the funk. In the earliest days, proper funkstication was achieved by use of boards mounted on rollers, or in the case of the ancient Egyptians in the construction of the most funky of early edifaces, the Great Pyramids, very large pieces of stone. In all reality, this early usage of tricked out ride could very well have been the first link between proper funkstication and utilization of tricked out wheels. The Mobile Funk was greatly improved by the onset of the wooden wheel in about 8,000 BC, an pimperiffic invention only surpassed by the introduction of the iron wheel some two thousand years later. For many years, perfection in ride seemed to have been achieved with that first horse drawn, iron wheeled, golden chariot steered by none other than Tutenkhamen as he was cruisin' the street for hoes. After all, thought many of the learned of the day, man had the chariot, and soon a four wheeled variation of the chariot, what more did he need? It wasn't until the 1840's when the Mormon pioneers crossed the plains in covered wagons that the next great leap in funk ride was realized. Never before had a hybrid between threads and ride been attempted, but it was a match made funkily in funk heaven, a marriage which has not been broken to this day. With the developement and widespread adoption of the automobile in the early part of the last century, however, the prairie schooners became obsolete and very unfunky indeed. With the growing speed of ride, it can be observed that the funkoscity thereof grew as well. In fact, according to the Bootsy Collins Theorem, the funkoscity of ride is a funktion (when calculation funkadellics, it is important to use funkintific notation) of the ride's speed. Current funkadellic calculations performed on gigantic, funkarriffic super computers, put the funkoscity of ride at about 200 FPH, that is, two hundred funkotropes per hour, about on par with the funkoscity of the Porsche Carrera GT.
With the amazing innovations throughout time in the fields of threads, rides, and beats, the only question now is where will The Funk go from here? There doesn't seem to be one right answer really, but one thing is for certain, as long as man lays down his mad beats, keeps his pimp hand strong, wears ice nonstop on his fantasmagorric pimpsuit, and cruises down the street in his amazin', pimperiffic six fo', the sky's the limit, and it can be expected that he will "tear the roof off tha sucka" indefinitely into the funk filled future.
-Patrick Williams
12:53 AM
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