Still awake

I'm still awake and its nearing one. So the thoughts of the night have wondered to and fro. I started out with wondering what is going to happen to me later in life. Greg Schaal and I started talking about how an Architect starts out in a really crappy position, but through gaining tenure they get to be what they had envisioned. I hope I finally stick with something for once in my life and get this to work for me and enjoy it. I'm also wondering about what sort of things I'll accomplish before then. The main idea of the night has been motivation and getting to "where I want." If I got good at guitar I'd be a happy man, I'd love to create something unique and amazing. Listening to Radiohead is some great times, and I can't get over how much I'm enjoying them. They've got a tone a love and wish I could be neat enough to come up with.
I've decided to go out to Five Star and sign up for some guitar lessons and hopefully purchase an acoustic guitar. That'll be a big thing for me, my electric isn't cutting it for me, I can't hear it, and its making me cheat- I'm not pressing hard because the action is so good. So I'll get this acoustic and these lessons then maybe start making real music. This is something I really want.
What else will I accomplish? Who knows kids, who the freak knows. I'm pretty much all talk I've realized, so who knows. I really need to get off my lazy ass and get in shape. Thats where Megan is coming in, I could say no to Scott because it's not as bad being a dick to him and skipping out- although its still not cool I did in the first place of course- as it would be to be it to Megan. So we'll go to the gym and get fit together. Then, if the pictures in my head serve as an idea of where I'll be in a few months of working out everyday(hopefully) I'll be an incredibly attractive, fit boy. That'll make me happy if I follow through with that as well.
So, the key to doing this is going to me following through, which if you've learned anything about thus far its that I am not a reliable person, which makes me so damn crappy. I hate myself for that, I want to punch me because its not an okay thing to be realizing and not changing. Gosh! I need escape these lovely fantasies and make them realities. If I did half of the things I say I will I'd be a happier person.
On a side note I was looking up pictures of angels and came across William Bouguereau. This guy such an amazing artist, and I've decided I'd like to get trained to paint like him. Just what I need, another false dream, stupid mofo! But I was looking through his stuff and it just amazes me, he was incredibly skilled and I love his inspiration, I'd like to sit down and paint then leave, with a painting like that accomplished. I couldn't not brag if I were capable. That guy makes photographs from paint. How the hell does he do it?! It's absolutely fascinating. I'd love to own some of his stuff, as well as others. Italy is a place on my list of places to visit, that and France. Visit the lovely galleries those places hold. Oh yes, I will be king of stupid tourists who annoy the crap out of everyone. But I can picture myself standing in front of one painting for hours as people pass by, getting there in the morning, and standing in front of that same painting for the entire day. I dream too much. I'll never grow out of it either.