if I sit here long enough, I'll ramble off enough crap to make it interesting to read

It's really nice when every once in a while you just get this feeling that you have it really good; people love you, you've got quite a lot for yourself, and you're in good health. It's time like these that I wish occurred more often, just think about it for a few seconds. Really, even when you feel you've got it rough, it isn't too bad right? Chances are whoever you are, someone is out there that loves you a lot, and that ought to help a lot. Yes, someone out there, when they hear your name, or imagine it, picture your face and smile.

There are also people out there who you annoy. Tonight I found a few people who fit into that category, actually a few times in the past few days. One of them is the drunken kids roaming the halls; they're stupid. Another is the freaking girl who recites my movie out loud while I'm trying to watch it, and also adds in certain factoids about the movie. I'll tell you something, in case we watch a movie together. I like to watch my movies, I like to get into them and not be completely distracted or be unable to hear what is being said. If you want to add a few witty comments or ask a question, go ahead. And if someone asks a question, assume it to be rhetorical, unless they specify that they want an answer. But if it's a movie you can make fun of, then that is the one situation in which I'm with you, especially crappy movies. Otherwise, let’s just use the time we have decided to dedicate to the film and watch it. Most of all I despise the quoting, the repetetive quoting, occasionally, like once, it's fine, it adds to it, gives it special importance, but otherwise let the acting stay with the actors. I just think I had a bad experience tonight, that's most of it.

I'd like to make as many excellent memories as possible in my life, and I need to work on that. I think I'm seriously lacking in that department, I think I have too many mediocre uninteresting memories. A good memory: The summer before junior year during a Student Council sleepover at the school we all went upstairs to the library and turned off all the lights, and the boys hid inside. Then each girl was shuffled through the library, down a certain path where guys would pop out and scare them until all the girls were in the library. Then we had a massive orgy. Actually that last part didn't happen, I made that up, and I thought it'd make for exciting reading. Another good memory: Summer after junior year, Jeff and I brought raspberry sorbet and starburst and Andes mints to Anneliese's house and helped her paint the ceilings of her house. We stayed over there until three or four in the morning because Jeff's parents were out of town, and I told my parents I was spending the night there. I wonder if that was dishonest. We did actually go over there and sleep after we left Anneliese's house, but I don't think I told my parents Jeff's family was gone. Where were they anyways, why were the two of their families out of town? They were probably having a secret family party where my family wasn't invited, because we're cool like that and don't get invited to things. But who needs other people's parties, we have fun. Speaking of which, one time when the power went out we brought candles to the kitchen table and played a few board games. That was fun, I love power outages, and I wish they'd happen for longer periods of time. That and snow. You know, now that I think of it, I've got some good clips of good memories. I can imagine having a little bit more freedom from family responsibilities, like being home on time, which I currently have at college, but none of my good friends to share it with, would make it easy to make good memories; you've got more time is mostly what it is.

So that's something. Is it me not wanting to get new friends? It seems like that must be it right, because other people have plenty of new friends; it's me not putting myself out there. In fact I'd say I'm pretty anti-social here. I don't like to do things that people invite me to. I watched a movie tonight, hesitantly because alcohol was present and I really didn't want to drink, nor have I. I really don't get why people can't just hold off, wait a few more years then do it legally. Or why they need to do it at all. It doesn't taste that good, and it being an acquired taste should mean something, like you oughtent get acquired to it. The time you acquire a taste for beer is the time you acquire yourself a nice beer belly. Or so I say. Sure I knock it, but I have in fact tried it, and have recently decided the only person I'll drink with thus far, illegally, will be my brother. But I just contradicted myself, why not wait I said and true dat. But I think one thing that turns me off of alcohol are the parties associated with it. I don't like them, and feel rather uncomfortable at them. I can't lie that after the initial hesitance and awkwardness of my time in Seattle I had a good time. Mostly the games are what are fun; I am a sucker for games. But to be honest I don't feel like drinking. I'm proud of myself for not drinking this term, and will continue to for the next. I think it's awfully cliché to go to college and drink a lot, like going here has some sort of significance that says, "go ahead, it's cool," and while that's what most people say, I'd rather not. I am not saying I disapprove of drinking. If you are safe, and by safe I mean in an environment where no one gets hurt and that is actually possible, and that includes responsibility, then whatever. I do get annoyed with some drunken people, but others are funny, here at college I haven't found too many funny ones though. Kids do some stupid things when they are drunk, and that’s what is most obnoxious. All in all, it's a personal choice.

Thinking about things now, my thoughts wander to life, and life is a weird weird thing. There is so much to it, it's ridiculous. What’s supposed to be important, some people say God, some say people, nature, preserving our world, freedom, so many things. It makes it hard to decide what to do with your life. I personally don't find being successful to be especially important. I would like to afford things I'm interested in, which is a tough thing to obtain without having lots of money. Right now the thing I want most of all is to be on the beaches of Mexico or the Caribbean with Becky. Simple enough, I want blue sky and white clouds above me, and soft warm sand under my feet, and clear blue waves crumbling near us. Or even a big scuba tank in my hand as I'm walking out to the boat. What seems really important to me is seeing beautiful things around me, and sharing it with people I care about. That must be it.

I'd take being here: