Please, please me like you want to

At this point I have to say I am really glad I didn't offer the reward I was thinking of for someone who could find me a bodily excretion that isn't unattractive, because Megan found one. Now it can be unattractive if it's all the time and if it's annoying, but for the most part she's right, crying isn't unattractive. Congratulations Megan, and too bad for you, but very good for me, I didn't include an offer of a million dollars.

I don't like writing when I'm not attached to the work, or at least the prompt. In fact, the only writing I like is free-write, where I write about whatever I want. I am not good at doing anything I'm forced into doing, which is why school is so hard. I can't do it. It's impossible when nearly everything else in the world that I could be doing seems more enjoyable than it.

Over the weekend I started playing my guitar again, and have decided I'd like an acoustic and not have to deal with the hassles of an electric. I'd like this one,

but that isn't going to happen, someday perhaps, but for now I'll stick with a guitar under a G. It was really nice though, and I know once I learn theory I'll have even more. I want to write songs really badly, and even more so I want to be able to sing to them. That won't ever happen though, not unless I steal someone's voice with my super-gamma-three-thousand voice stealing machine. But that's just too costly and I'd feel bad for a few minutes which is enough to turn me off of doing it. Ben Gibbard is a lucky man, as is Chris Martin, Damien Rice, Jack Johnson, and the list goes on...continuing in alphabetic order no doubt.

I think that's just a natural way of mine to listing things, alphabetically, I don't do it on purpose, most of the time.

I wrote a shitty paper tonight, and it makes me wish I had written more essays in High School, and been taught more than I was. It also makes me wish I had more critical thinking skills. Maybe I’ll get hit by a meteorite and either gain a whole bunch of knowledge from this alien substance, or, get killed. I’d much rather have the former than the latter if someone is planning on sending one in for me. Otherwise maybe something will click one of these days, and I’ll straighten out my grossly un-proportional priorities. 3 more days, then I’m back home. That right there is a problem, if I’m yearning for home every week how could I ever accomplish anything? It’s a matter of maturity I think. When I become mature, I’ll know what to do, but until then, I’ll wait for someone to tell me what to do. What a sad thing, wanting people to tell me what I should do. Maybe if I weren’t such a lazy kid I’d spend time figuring out what I should do on my own. But I’m lazy, and I know it, and so far haven’t changed it. How undesirable.

I walked around downtown Eugene today and it was great. I can't even tell you how nice it was to get out of this freaking dorm. I walked into an extremely neat little church that made me happy. I probably could have sat there and just chilled, listened to my iPod perhaps, and wasted the day. I'm good at wasting time, especially when I have something to get done. I have three things to do before Thursday. Three more, there were four before, but I half-assed an essay that I'll turn in, get a failing grade and continue in my average/below average college lifestyle. Those other three are: a physics assignment, a physics test, and a large Art history project. On top of that I have a flag football game tomorrow night at 8 followed directly by a finals match for soccer. I think we can get the championship in soccer, that'd be neat; I'd be part of a winning group for once. I lie, I’ve been part of one before, but all the times never contributing much. At least in soccer I actually do something.

oh! About a week ago marked a year of complainging on the web for me, and a year that I've continually done one thing.