I don't know why you bother....

Between the time of this blog and my last quite a few things have happened. On Friday Jeff spent the night and we hung out at Allison's house for quite some time. She is a very cool girl, and I had a good time there. Then I came home and watched Mystic River while Jeff played around on my computer, and when I was finished with the movie I came up and he was still here, so we decided to learn how to pick locks.
The next day he spent the better part of 6 or 7 hours studying up on it. My brother Josh had his pre-wedding party here with Phyllis' family in attendance. Then Cali, Jake, Jeff and I went and played tennis and that was fun.
Sunday came and I went to the sojourn theater School deally. The play was quite compact and had tons of information in it, and the discussion was awesome. I loved learning about other people's opinions and finally forming some of my own. It was very cool.
Today I've thought some about whatever my deal is with Becky. I don't actually get why I feel like I do. Seeing as how we were never an item I have no basis for my anger. You can't get mad at a crush, that's retarded. So now I'm just angry with myself for being such an idiot and wasting so much thought on it, when it could have been left where it was way the hell back then. Seriously folks, it's the most ridiculous thing in the world and it's taken so much energy out from me. Had we actually dated there might be reason for it. So, whats the conclusion? I'm not going to be angry, for there is no purpose in it. She is a girl I was friends with. THE END. I really want her out of my head. This should help, a lot.
The other thought of today is the necessity of me to get into a fight. If I'm going to get tough thats the way to do it. I'm so curious how well I could do, and now with Brian acting as a Bookie I've got better odds than Powell in our fight, and i've already got like 10 bucks to my name. Plus the more experience i have with fighting the better I'll get. So if I get in a few fights before college, I'll be able to kick some ass when I get there. Even if I lose my fights I'll still be getting better and stronger and more able to handle it. This could be my new motivation perhaps. I've had the urge to go running and get in shape and do push-ups and sit-ups and all that. Get a little bit bigger and more fit and able to manage myself better. Today Jared came after me and it took me by surprise. I was playing around but I guess in a real fight scenario he'd probably do that. He was moving around a whole lot and it's not like, face to face punching eachother like boxing. No, it'd be street, anything goes, they could kick tackle, rough me up in other ways...which is why I need experience, I don't know what to expect yet. All I've got under my belt is family wrestling which is way easy and not in any way serious. So tonight Scott, Jeff, Jared, and I are getting together to fight. I'm not sure how its going to go down, I don't really want to punch any of them, maybe just hard wrestling. But see, I want to really fight people, yet at the same time I think it'd have to be someone I didn't know, or didn't like, because Jared said he'd fight me, but I said I didn't want to fight him. If one of us got hurt the other guy would feel bad. OOH! this is perfect for a quote from Sin City, "I love hitmen. No matter what you do to them, you don't feel bad." So basically I need someone to come after my life so I don't have to feel bad about beating the crap out of them, assuming I could. I'm also afraid of that. I've got these day dreams of getting into fights and winning but in reality, I could probably easily lose. It probably seems incredibly lame that I'm thinking about getting in fights, like some stupid macho deal. But hey, the most bad ass thing to do is fight. It's a test of strength, both emotional and physical, and ability. So maybe I need someone to beat me up in order to change my opinion. Until later....