Weakness, complete weakness.

There isn't any use in complaining because i truly don't want to get any sympathy or "you're fine," etc. but its on my mind and I'm going to write it down.
Despite what people have been saying I haven't, "realized that I am a good guy." I keep dreaming on becoming excellent without any strides in the right direction. I've watched movies that give me rad ideas, like "Sahara." Why the heck can't I be a treasure hunter and have those extraordinary things? It's all glamour in the movies but why can't it happen in real life? Why couldn't I get to do something absolutely amazing and, of course, get a fantastic woman? These guys pick up these girls off ridiculous pick-up lines and if I ever tried them they'd never work. I want to feel accomplished, be able to beat bad guys up without any weapons, speak several different languages, know so much about something I'm an expert, and of course, look great. The thing is, I don't feel capable of doing any of those things. My brain feels completely full and I feel like a freaking moron because i can't seem to learn anymore. It all goes in and goes out. It absolutely drives me crazy, I wish I could be like a computer and delete the junk-mail taking up all my storage and make room for new software. Ahh, why am I complaining so much today, up until this movie, "Sahara" tonight, everything was good, in fact, this week things were going really well. Then all of a sudden, I feel completely crappy. I drove home from the movie and I did something I haven't done forever; I drove the speed limit. Not only that, but from Cornell and Lincoln(I believe it's that) to my house I went 25 mph and below. I completely spaced the entire time and felt like I wasn't even there. Like I had become too overwhelmed with whatever feeling was going on that i stopped everything and spaced out.
I keep eating crappily. I told myself after lent I'd eat sweets sparingly; I've had some everyday. And you wonder why I feel like crap about myself. How can I be happen when I can't keep promises to myself.
And today was such a good day.....I played tennis for like 8 hours and lost, but it was fun. Dang you Nightime slips!!! Weakness, complete weakness.