Just cuddle with me...

Tonight was an incredible evening. Scott and I went cruising again. We went to Cold Stone where I quite lent and had a fantastic ice cream mixture. Then we talked about Evolution, he and his AP Biology class are currently discussing it, and it's super interesting to think about.
It's interesting to think just how different life is when you look at it in different perspectives. Apparently the whale was actually a land creature related to the Elephant. Then it found it could do better in water, and adapted. The strong more adapted bred and created even more well adapted ones until they got to the whales we have now. It's really a tester of faith -this whole evolution thing- and I'm finding as far as faith goes, I'm severely lacking. I want to believe there is something out there because without it life would suck. I don't want to think I've got 80 years here then I'm done, and done for good. My thoughts will cease to exist, and its almost like I never did. I want to be living in one way or another and that's where this faith comes in. I need to be a stronger believer that something truly is out there. I think I was born such that I am very analytical and that makes this tough. I want evidence it exists. Not someone telling me they think it does, but actually seeing it. This won't happen, it's just not possible and that's why its called faith, not truth. I think I'll get to the point where I have it, but now in my experimental phase of life, it's just not working out.
Then we went to Hannah's house. The three of us just hung out in her room and listened to Damien Rice. If I were the crying type I'd have broken out into tears during that. I really felt like I could have. I wanted Hannah and Scott to have their time with each other, I don't know if its like me trying to live vicariously through them, but I wanted them to be able to cuddle and me not impede. Anywho, they had their time, and it looked sweet. He was laying down and she was cuddled right beside him with her head on his chest. That's my favorite, although I rarely ever get it. Sitting and cuddling is great, but when you're both laying down it's just even more than that, its amazing. I love it so much. So I layed next to her Giant Orca. It was soft and much like a large dog; fuzzy, soft, and large enough to be comfortable with. I laid there listening to each word being sung and it was absolutely amazing. It's such an emotional CD and makes me weak. I feel awfully strange admitting it, but this music is something. I can't being to tell you how it affects me. It's probably not wise for me to do, actually. I lay there in the dark thinking of all this stuff that I shouldn't. Becky pops into my head and I want her out. It's not healthy, but I really can't help it. I recognize I need to move on, but I'm stuck on her and these songs basically sum up what I feel. "Cheers Darlin", that's a good one I feel like relating to the situation at hand. All of this is such a waste of time. I did so much that wasted my time. It could come off as hurtful, but it was. A big waste, so many unnecessary events, gifts, helping hands. Some is what a good friend would do, but most was more than that. Waste waste waste.
Also today, I played childish games from like the 7th grade, like "MASHO" and "LEMON." Pretty entertaining stuff, if only dreams came true, but no...I need to keep running, that's right, back to cpt. Anonymous' comment. Run run run, and today I ran, quite literally, home from practice.