This one is longer than most before it (2 pages)

While someone thinks so, I'd still be okay with being able to change the way I look. It's just something, assuming the technology was available, that I would do. I'd change quite a few things probably, but whatever, it’s not going to happen, so don't you worry.

Today was pretty fun. I woke up at a lazy 10 o'clock, got dressed and headed to Les Schwab to get my tire fixed. First off, I had absolutely no idea it was so nice inside that place, they've got chairs, tables, magazines, newspapers, then all the tire stuff to occupy your time with. It wasn't like the Jiffy Lube waiting rooms where its all grime-o and you don't know if its okay to touch anything, it was completely sanitary there and comfortable.

Then, the weather was absolutely lovely! Scott, Hannah, Megan, Matt, and I, then later Courtney, and Melissa all went down to Brent's apartment and swam. People let me tell you one thing, today’s weather was amazing, the perfect swimming weather, nice and warm and sunny and tanning. The water wasn't too cold that you were uncomfortable, but it was enough to cool you off. The company was great as well.
Then we went to the 7-11 by Burgerville, home of the slurpee's, and concocted an amazingly delicious mix of every flavor they had. That was tasty as all get up.
Then I mowed the lawn, and got more tan, and before that I had a nice little chat with Scott's dad. After all of that I hung around the house, cooling off, playing Halo, and somehow (I honestly don't know how this happened), but I lost to Dee dee. She is a girl and a 14 year old at that. How did she beat me? She cheated; shotguns always overtake SMG's. Anyways, I was a proud loser and drifted off to other activities that I didn't get frustrated with.

Then Anneliese calls within five seconds of me AIM her away message, fantastic turn around time. She comes over and Jeff joins. She is unlike any girl with her far different ideas and crazy beliefs. Of course that isn't really a negative its what makes her who she is and I like who she is, but tonight it drove me crazy! I don't understand at all her ideas and that’s very strange. She has this idea of kissing that I didn't get, and the misunderstanding continued through other conversations. But you tell me this, is the kiss I mentioned yesterday from the TV highly passionate and romantic, or completely sexual? And how do you decipher the difference between the two? What is romantic and what is sexual, and what are examples of them. She thought the kiss was sexual, I found it highly passionate and romantic. I'm a dreamer, she's a realist. That's where I fine little disagreements arise from.
Now don't think these are heated arguments, while I am passionate about my thoughts, I get more frantic perhaps is the word, I don't know, exasperated is even better. Either way, I don't get mad at all, it’s more out of fun, to talk about something.
It makes you think though, it’s sort of arguing for the sake of arguing, or disagreeing rather, arguments seem more negative. Either way, It’s usually what ends up being discussed, that or, hopelessly shallow attempts at being "deep" or so they feel. Its like, "well what really is...." Like we're discussing the meaning of life type of faux-deep. Either way it’s all entertaining and enjoyable. It's just different than anything I talk about with anybody else. I don't get into these thoughts or ideas, I talk about much more normal things with other people.
Here's one of the topics of tonight’s dialogue and it stems from the kiss debate; How do you show someone how much you care about them? My deal is, I can love people, like really care about them, but not be in love, and I can't really express it and get the satisfaction I want. I can say, "I love you" but I don't feel satisfied. I can hug, but that’s not enough. I haven't kissed, but it’s not really that sort of relationship, its only friends, so anything more isn't in the picture. So how do you do it? I can't say it, write it, or show it seems, and those are the only ways known to man. It’s frustrating not being able to express it in a way that satisfies me. I guess that part doesn't matter though. As Anneliese pointed out there are different ways of showing love, as says a book she's read/is reading, and if the accepting party is okay with what I'm doing, then they're getting it alright and despite my feelings, they're feeling loved. Maybe it’s the being loved back part that'd make it more satisfying.

This is tough stuff. Now I've read some old passages of mine and they seem for fun and better reading. My voice is far superior to this slush I create these days, and the vocabulary was much more exciting. I don't know what’s changed in these past few months but I'm not feeling as witty. Too bad.

Oh did I mention how lovely it was outside today?! It was amazing. Absolutely flawless skies of blue and bright glowing sun. It beat down on me just right, hopefully producing a fabulous REAL tan, not like the fake'n'bakers of our generation. While I may be more apt to skin cancer, at least I enjoyed myself in the process and don't pose like the others do. God it was lovely outside.

Ah! Another noticeable change of mine. People who said god like I just did used to bug me, like why is it necessary? It doesn't need to be there, but now I don't care and it is natural to say. I apologize if I offend anyone by saying it, but what can you do? Actually I could not do it anymore, but where is the fun in that, it’s like the people who ruin having schools celebrate religious holidays because of their solely different ideals. Somewhat ironic, my analogy and the topic of conversation. Anywho, I don't feel very religious these days, and I don't know what I think. Part of me is completely content and doesn't feel bad, the other part, mostly my caring of my grandparents feelings towards it makes me feel bad and as though I truly should want to be more so. I don't know what changed for me, I honestly can't even say what I believe in. To some I'm a terrible person for this, and to others I'm fine. To those who think I'm terrible, whatever I hate you anyways, stupid Whitie, Evangelical Christians, the type who are so hardcore they are hypocritical with their behaviors and can actually walk up to someone and say, "do you know you're going to hell because you're gay? How does that make you feel?" WAIT! WHAT?! No way!

I'm having to be very careful tonight to cover my tracks. Now I don't hate all religious people, not every Christian, not Jews, nobody specifically. The ones I hate are the stereotypical, southern, white, evangelical Christians, who are so hardcore it’s ridiculous. I only dislike them because of how strong their conviction is of others wrongs. I say, everyone is partly right, there is probably something up there that made things work out, but don't go hating others for their different beliefs, unless they give you reason like the people I've mentioned. I sound hypocritical myself, but I can't explain it well at all. In fact! I bet Buddhist’s are right, we're all going to find that out when we're dead.