Everything in it's right place....

I think my brain functions better without work, and I like that, so it appears it would be a bad idea to ever work again. I spent a lot of time thinking this morning in my shower. I sat down and let the water pour over me, then I just let my mind wander. It seemed to have scattered ideas everywhere and was trying to organize them and file them away neatly. It didn't go well, I'd think about something, then before I could get a clear idea or solution it'd escape and I'd move onto something else.

One main thought was that I have not achieved any of my dreams for this summer. I'd imagined it far differently than it has turned out and I can't say I'm happy with the way it has gone. While the days have been fairly good, and certain days have fun, nothing fantastic has happened. I've seen five or six people all summer, always the same, not that it's bad, but none of the others I'd hoped to. I have not gone on any great adventures, not even to the beach. The best I've had as far as something was a campfire hangout thing, but that was only in Scott's backyard. It was fun, but the beach would be something completely different as far as fun is concerned. I'd like to bike in the San Juan islands, but with a month's time before Germany I just don't see it happening. I've not camped, hiked, biked, or any other outdoor activity other than recreational swimming in pools. I've come up with far too many hopeful ideas that will no doubt be crushed as they always do. I told myself this summer I'd do the things I wished, as I do every summer, but once again, they just don't unfold as I hoped and wished.

That led me to think more about my problems with fantasies, and how I can't be satisfied in life, at least long-lasting satisfaction. Watching a movie with a close friend is certainly satisfying, as it lying in the warm sun near a cool pool, but that is only temporary pleasure. I need better, and longer lasting, and I think I have an idea of what would do so, and the problems with them. If I were to visit these places I dream about, or read about even, if I could visit say Hogwarts, or go on an adventure with Dirk Pitt, life would be excited and quite fantastic. Alas, no such thing could ever happen. It's always such a disappointment when I come to this realization, and I hate that I can't be happy with reality. Perhaps I just haven't found what truly makes me happy yet.

Now this entire thought process was quick, and happened within a 15 minute period, and my shower was nearer to 30. Another thought popped into my head after that fantasy one, partly I believe, because of my watching of Amalie last night and wishing for something as fantastic as that to occur in my life. I thought of the casualness of sex in that movie, and "A very long Engagement" which stars the same woman and is by the same director. It makes sex seem like no big deal at all, just something people do. Now this is far different than that of the sexual behavior or Kinsey, or at least of the thoughts of sex during the time period. It's changed quite a bit, and that's something to think about. Which should it be like? I thought about it, it's very natural, so it can't be frowned upon. That's all I could create as far as a solution goes. People's complete obsession with it still seems weird, and working at an adult store seems less than normal. So I don't know what to think.

Then the water got cold and I ended my shower. Later that day I hung out with Scott some more; this is Scott Richards I speak of. It's great to see him again. It's been a few weeks since last, and before that it'd been a year. And now it'll be two more years, because of his mission. It's amazing the close friendship we created almost a decade ago. It's such a same I hadn't seen him more this summer, he's a great guy, and great fun to be around. We swam, or at least I did, he was on lifeguard duty so he couldn't, but we chatted and I spent the better part of 3 hours in the pool. During this time he spoke of disruptive kids he'd had to throw out earlier in the day. And later in the evening two kids came in and completely disregarded his words of warning as to the rules of the pool. I just don't understand some people. How can you be so inconsiderate? Why can't you just obey the rules he's placed down and make life easier? Why must you push the boundaries? I don't think he does it to make you feel badly, or to punish you, it's his job, he can't help it, he has to follow the rules given to him, and they are to enforce the rules of the pool. It's not hard to control yourself, you can easily walk and get to the same destination, and jump into the pool without flipping, so why must you make it difficult? I honestly wanted to beat the shit out of these kids. Tell them to stop being such asses and just listen to him. I did tell them they ought to stop being stupid and just listen, I said they were idiots and asked them if they had problems. That might not have helped, but it's a fair question I'd say. You have to have problems to completely disregard a direction given by an authority figure who is being extremely nice and not in the least rude. If Scott was a jerk, it'd make things different, then just to spite him you might have the urge to break rules, but he wasn't. He was so nice about it, but I could see the difficulty of him acting nice when they wouldn't listen. I'd have thrown them out. Told them they need to leave, and maybe next time listen. He didn't do what I would. Other than those two it was extremely enjoyable. I didn't have goggles so I had to close my eyes underwater, but that was okay because I'd always imagine I was back in Mexico scuba diving with fish and coral. I'd even pictured a sunken submarine, most likely because of The Pacific Vortex. It was a good use of relaxing time. If I hadn't had done that, I'd most likely sat at home accomplishing very little and sitting at this wretched computer. I hate how it controls my life. I can't help but have an attraction to it, where I glance every five minutes to see if the screen has changed. Has someone sent me a message? Is anything exciting happening? It's very ridiculous. If I didn't have a computer I'm sure life would be different. I'd certainly fill my time with other things. I could still write this in a book, like normal people do.

Afterwards I went with Scott for Little Caesars pizza, but not until after I had gone to his house. It brought back some memories, I hadn't been inside for over a year. It was nice to see his family again. I love them. It's actually kind of interesting how I made a transition from Scott's family to Jeff's. It's a very similar relationship, I'm very close and love both, and it just moved very smoothly. What can I say, I'm always loved by some entire family. Hahaha, re-reading that makes it funny; oh yeah I have a family too, and they do as well. The pizza was amazing, you drive up and they give you a pizza in like five seconds, and it's only five bucks. It was pretty tasty and quite filling. Good guy that Scott Richards.

And now I think I'll be leaving, into my dreamland. Goodnight.