7.2.06

As August the second slowly approaches its end I think over what I've done with my summer. The answer is nothing. It's been nearly two months, or more closely a month and a half, but the fact remains, the summer is almost over and I haven't done nearly what I had hoped to in the time I've had.
True, I've made some money. Thank you New Seasons. But other than working what have I done? I thought about it last night and I couldn't come up with many things. I've gone to the beach with B, and that was a blast. But what else have I done? I can't even remember. I went mountain biking with Jeff once around Hagg Lake, and now he's gone.
I want to go with him. I like the idea of getting up and leaving. In fact, it's been what I've been thinking about the most as of late. My co-workers share one specific thing in common, or at least have all taught me one thing, and that is there is no need to rush through life, and you can make it anywhere, be it Oregon, Russia, Korea, Greece, Australia, and so on. I've met so many people who have just picked up and changed their lives and they're happy. I feel incredibly constricted to my lifestyle. The only escape really is going to be a year down the road if I work up the mindset to go into the study abroad and ask lots and lots of questions, who knows, maybe I could pull it off for a spring term abroad. All I know is I feel like I need change, room to grow, but at the same time I love the comfort of home. It's a tough bind, and my head has been going through all the options, and I've been stressing and it's been hard. Not nearly as hard now that I look at it from an outsider perspective. I don't know what it is that I have problems with but I'll work things out.
Here is what I know:
I want to be better at life and at things I do. I want to be more motivated and work harder at things. I also want to relax, exercise and be healthier. I need to create and have an outlet for stresses, as well as a place to unwind- I've found reading to help a lot.
Speaking of which I read the book Sputnik Sweetheart and I don't get it. I liked how it was written and I like the story, but I know there is a bigger message, but it's escaping my thoughts. I wish I was better at that.
Overall though, today went pretty well. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents Judson and mom, which was nice, I've been working a lot during my family’s free times and haven't spent time with them in a long time. I finished a few projects I'd been working on, but I made a list of things to do and didn't accomplish everything.
It could have been better if I'd worked out when I wanted to, in the morning, but instead I got caught up in a project and chose not to go. I will have to work hard to get what I want, and be healthier and exercise is the first step, if I don't start doing that it's only going to get harder. I also have been meaning to write a letter to Scott Richards, but have failed to do that. Tomorrow is a new day and with it brings a new time. I'll be 19 soon, but I know that won't change a thing, except that if I so choose I can go up to Canada and get boozed up. Highly unlikely. Goodnight, I'll now play guitar for a bit before bed. I want to make the most of the rest of my summer, and the only person who can help me is myself.

This is one of the better ones;