Part 1 of the reflection

I don't know if this is too early to be doing, I do have seven more days of school, but for the time let’s reflect on the past four years of my life.
I can't say much about freshman year, back then I was a goober, those were the days when I actually tried and cared, and before Patrick influences. It was in Mr. Meuweson's World Studies class that I met Patrick and Scott and their, mostly Patrick’s, habits rubbed off on me. His, "I don't care" attitude seemed pretty good by me, and so I stopped making school the thing. Overall in school I never really tried. I'm probably one of the worst studiers in the world, I just don't have good study habits. I read over something, don't really process it, and then call it good. Its other things that I occupy my time with, like the computer. This computer being in my room for the past few years has seriously deteriorated my school habits. All I did sophomore and junior year was IM and play around on the internet. Sure I'd get by with classes, but that’s where I'm lucky, my 3.8 whatever GPA is not earned, it's been gained without much effort at all. It's probably not exactly fair because of that, but that’s the way life is. Some people have talent, and some never will. The only thing is, I wish I had tried. I hope I will. I know if I do try, I could be absolutely great. I can't remember much from freshman year really. I remember World Studies because of Patrick and I do remember panicking the most I ever have for a final in that same class. Elizabeth Dissen was in that class, she was also in my English class, and that’s when I fake married her. So I've got that. In math I had Roofdawg and lots of older kids. My class was a few freshman, lots of sophomores, and a few older kids. Scott Richards was in that class. We used to be really good friends, but now he's at college and you can't expect much from that. I'm sure we'll still talk during summers when we come back, but it won't be like it was, being neighbors made it really easy for us to be best friends for the 9 or so years. What else can I remember of freshman year? I remember trying out for Student Council and not making it and being horribly disappointed by that. I gave the worst least creative speech ever, and I lost to Corrin. She cut her hair, and that's why people gave her the votes, I should have made it on. Things would have changed a lot earlier if I had, whereas it took me a few years to grow out of the little shell I had, that would have done it in one. I wasn't really close to upperclassmen back then, nor was I ever. It seems like things are changing quite a bit in that respect. For one I remember I'd never challenge my brother, or at least get away with it, he'd always end up overpowering me, as would all older kids so I wouldn't even challenge them anymore, but these days, the younger kids are acting as equals of the older kids, that never happened to me. I was always less than my brother and his friends, and never tried to befriend them, he had his things, and I had mine, but now lots of my friend’s siblings are common friends of my friends. I also know, and interact, with a lot of underclassmen, I never had that when I was one. The most I got was my brother and his closest friends, and that was rare. Then junior year on student council I befriended, apprehensively, most all of the seniors. That’s when I began to get out and actually make more friends outside of the close ones I had. Freshman year was also a big year for growing away from middle school friends, and closer to others. Jake Unger and I used to be really great friends, but as he went in to sports, I went in to the, well non sporty groups, not even academics just there kind of. I didn’t even have a life back then. But now I’m hungry, I'll add to this later.

no name #3

so I haven't been writing much in my blogs lately. I can't say I've really felt like it. It's not that there isn't much going on, in fact, quite a bit went on. Like yesterday Scott and I rode our bikes around for a bit and ended up at hannah's. Then we played airsoft with her brother for a few hours, then came home. Then we got up today and went out to big five and made an uneducated decision of buying a cheap gun. Turns out that gun doesn't work well for long range shots, or any shots longer than 75 feet or so. But it's a semi-automatic, so I will keep it as a backup gun when I run out of ammo on the rifle I'll buy later on.
Summer is super close, and that will be sweet. I'm feeling lots of day trips places, and maybe even couple daylong trips to places. Camping is going to have to happen. Fun will be had, that is for sure. I've run out of stuff to talk about.

sun=good

I didn't die today, and thats reason enough to call it a pretty good day. But, it also turned out fairly well otherwise. I played Halo 2 with Brent, his friend, Scott, and Patrick last night until 5:30 this morning. Then I fell asleep for three hours and got up to go do my grandparents lawn. Then I became the worlds greatest coach. My cousin is having trouble with baseball so I took him to Jackson and we worked on skills. Now he's going to be amazing. Then the rest of the day was alright. I'm tired. DZ OUT.
Oh, also, this past week has been pretty good. It's been sunny so thats a great thing.

Keeping it real, keeping it short

I truly love our student council skits; I only wish we did them more often. We have a clever bunch of kids working on them and it really shows at these sorts of assemblies. I am also ready to not do stuff for the rest of my life...maybe I can be a beach bum. I'll take up surfing. I'm interested to see what next year will bring. More awesome people around me, I'm alright with leaving all traces of Glencoe, people and all, even the close ones. I don't know what it is, maybe its all just words, maybe next year I'll really start to miss everyone, or maybe its not, and I really won't. The only people I need to stay with me is my family, everyone else can move in and out.
The thing is, I won't lose connections, and that's probably part of it. I've got this, people can talk to me here, or on myspace, or on AIM. The internet will bring my old friends back to me; of this I have no doubt.
I'm feeling pretty much as free as they come. Anything I truly want to do I can and that's nice. Right now I feel like going to bed.

When automobiles had glass-cut vases

I've recently been told I might have ridiculously high expectations in woman and relationships. If this is true, which I am not sure of, it could explain a lot. Firstly, lets examine the situation, do I have high expectations? Well, I do have ideas that flow through my head about good ideas for relationships and girls to fill those relationships. And I could see where if I didn't meet "the" girl, the whole thing would be different than I dreamt it. So maybe it is true. If it is, that might explain the lack of love interests in my life, not on my side, on the opposing. But there is the fact I've been denied thrice, meaning that i wasn't good enough in the situation, and not the other way around. So its all iffy.
What I do know is that today went decently well. The sun came out, and for that I was happy. The big day killer was Leadership when drama arose between two people. It wasn't pleasant, and I got involved and it wasn't fun. It's something I thought I'd left behind in middle school, but apparently stupid stuff happens still. It's out of the way and for that I'm happy. We're having the assembly tomorrow for the Spring Tide deal and that will be good, as will the lunch that will ensue later this week.
The weather was nice, very sunny. I bought a suit today, a three piece green suit, along with an off-white yellowish shirt, and a brown tie and shoes. All of this was 40 dollars, quite a bit of money coming from Goodwill, but worth it. I loved that I walked into the place, we all picked out suits together (Myself, Jeff, Tony, Thomas, and Vallie, our one-act group), got a handful of them and went to the back, I said, hmm, which one looks like it'd fit me? Okay, this one. And that was all there was to it. I tried it on, it fit perfectly looks great, and I'm happy of that. After doing that we rode around, went to Petco and played around while Vallie filled out an application, and soon afterwards it was 7. Time really flew, partly why the day was so good. I love summer, and here it comes.
Scott bought an Ipod photo, and that is a good thing. I'm on my way out now, and while leaving for the night I'll listen to Damien Rice. Goodnight Eyore, goodnight moon, goodnight all.

The weekend after weekend-long lacuna

This is my time to reflect on the weekend and I really only have one thought, it sucked. Saturday was an awful deco day followed closely by 5 hours of yard work on one lawn. Five hours because I forgot about my grandparents lawn (and they live in Washington half of the time) for three or four weeks, meaning the grass was up to my knee. Also, due to torrential rains, the grass had been pressed towards the ground and sopping wet. This made it super hard to mow and it clumped easily. To start I didn't even have a motorized mower, just a push, and that wasn't even going to make a mark. I used a weed whacker to cut it down to a decent length and that took a couple hours. Then I broke a mower somehow during transport and it wouldn't start. So I had to locate another mower and bring it there. I did that and when I go to cutting it just pushed the grass down, got clumped (it was raining which made the grass stick to the mower) so I had to unclog it every five minutes and it'd shoot onto the grass making even more grass press towards the ground. So I had to rake the grass to get it to stand that was hard to do. After working until about 8:30 I called it a day, and considering how it looked when I came it was good. I should have taken a picture before I started, it was a site indeed.
This was Saturday. Oh yes, I watched my cousin break-dance in his recital as well as Megan Inayoshi. That was pretty good, Jeremy got his back to 6 inches off the ground when he did his Matrix thing, that was pretty rad. Megan's dances were good as well, she is quite the dancer. Megan you are quite the dancer.
Sunday comes around and it's raining again, so what do I do? Of course I head back to my grandparents and fix up their lawn even more. So I spend three more hours at their house that includes cleaning up the huge mess from everything that I made. Note that on a normal excursion to their house it takes me about an hour to mow and edge and pull weeds, that's when I go every weekend. So of course it is completely my fault for creating so much work, but what can you expect of a teenager who doesn't enjoy doing work, had prom, and who lives in a wet climate, and forgets things as quickly as you say them. Not even kidding, Scott asked me for a cookie the other day, and while I was going to get it, I had forgotten who I got it for and handed it to Jeff. So how could I possibly remember mowing a lawn every week when it’s been wet and stuff? Can't is the answer, I can't.
That’s why this weekend has sucked. I haven't done anything fun. I doubt school will be fun, its pretty much sucked last week. Its funny how quickly things turn from alright to crappy. School has made things crappy lately.

Life, War, and Death

It's kind of funny how a day can suck, then certain people can make it amazing. Today pretty much sucked the first half of it, more than that, until about 8. Then after deciding I might as well go, I went to the Choir Concert and really enjoyed myself. Not only did I see the REP and Ben-Ben, I also saw Allison and Christine, and Nic and Paulina! Paulina is back and that's pretty exciting. I didn't even know the girl really, she's just an acquaintance, but she's rad and her being back is rad. The mood of the whole deal was high and I really had a good time. Allison is back from college and that pleases me the most.
I love talking to Jeff, we are pretty similar in our thoughts and tonight was just that. It was pretty cool.
I've noticed that I'm fairly independent of others. I don't feel the need to rely on other people, or make people happy anymore. Because as I've been noticing, it doesn't matter. If I want a miracle, I'll make it happen. If anything is going to change, it'll be because I did it. It's come with the loss of faith I think, or the acknowledgment that not much was there in the first place. I think before I always pretended to believe because it was never really strong. I never felt a direct connection with anyone and it made it really hard. And the fact I'm analytical by nature makes it hard, I need proof. So I don't know if I'm saying I don't believe in God, I just don’t know if it’s the same one everyone else does. I’m pretty sure something is there; I don’t think it’s possible for there to be such thing as we were made by chance. That just seems too unlikely.
I’ve also been thinking, because of tomorrow, of WWII. I’ve always thought more of it than any of the other major wars in our history, maybe second to the Civil War, but WWII is just one of the wars I really believe in. I sort of feel as though I’ve been born in the wrong decade and I should be there, or have been there. I wish I could have enlisted with those men, and fought that war for the country. These days I don’t believe in it. I don’t believe in the Iraq war, its all for oil. Our leadership is not great and doesn’t leave much to trust in. We’re on a steady decline in society. All around. We used to talk more eloquently, now its dribble. We used to be more classic beautiful rather than fake. Leaders used to be true leaders instead of faces. I agree with Ferris when he said, we’ve got it all wrong these days. Back in the day, WWII and such, leader meant, they led by example, did it first, went in to the battle first, and so on. Today its just a position. Leaders don’t act. All of this decline in society is even more reason to want to be in a different decade. I could have done well back then, I would have done better than now. It’s a shame its not how things are.
Also, on topic of war, with it comes death. And thinking about it, if I was a parachuter during war it’s very probable that I’d die. I’d like to imagine I could be the Hero type from the books we’ve read and the stories we’ve heard, and I am hoping with every part of my body that I could rise up to that challenge, but its probable that I’d be one of the ones shot before I hit the ground, or on the ground. And so, I’d accept it. Life isn’t a big deal, its usually taken way too seriously, and while I am in no way accelerated my death, I could accept it now. I’m not afraid I guess. It’d be a shame losing 90% of my life, but hey, things will go on. So in the time being I’m going to try to stay as long as possible here on earth, but when it comes, I won’t be afraid, I hope.

Today was a 6

Today wasn't very fun or exciting. Last night I fell asleep early, like 8:30 or something. I woke up at 9 and continued through a day of complete boredom. The best time of the day was when I went to Wendy's with Scott and Hannah, had some excellent food, walked my dog, then, and this is the big one, got caught in the huge showers and just walked slowly and happily through the rain. It was pretty close to the scene in Garden State, only I got put as the druggy friend.
I really don't want to be the druggy friend. I don't even want to be like the main character guy. He wasn't so great. I want to be semi-great. The simplicity deal I mentioned earlier is still here but it’s not pleasant really. It's just like, there's no point to things. Nothing truly matters, or so it seems. Life is short, so consequences are short, good or bad. Nothing can be too fulfilling. Whatever it is that happens you have to be happy. So long as you go through life happy life will be good.
Tonight I laid down on the floor and curled up with a blanket and listened to the Garden State soundtrack. I think I changed positions at least a million times but it was a nice vegetative state. I didn't think of anything in particular, I just let the music take over. I'd hear a song, and think of whatever my mind brought me to. Normally is was a scene that the song made me picture. That’s the best waste of time ever. Because it seems productive at least while you're in it. It also feels like it rejuvenates you a bit. You're in a dream state but you're awake. Your body slows down and your heart works less and you just kind of let go. It's pretty good. I've discovered the most comfortable position around though. You lay with your arms behind your head, right hand on top of left, palms towards the back of your head. Your left arm is flat against the ground and your right is up in the arm being held up by the blanket. Then your legs are fully stretched. This is the perfect skyward viewing position too. Your head looks at like a 40 degree angle towards the sky. If there wasn't a roof on the house it'd be perfect for looking at stars, or fireworks. Maybe I'll watch the fireworks this year like that. Of course, the left arm stretched to the side leaves plenty of room for a second head to lean against, at least my long arms. So being under a blanket with that and fireworks would be okay by me.
In other news. I am loving "Singing in the Rain," for Government and "Cat's Cradle" (book) for English. While today would get a 2 for sucking so hard, the rainy walk was enjoyable enough to bump it up to a 4, and then the tranquil music time added a bonus of two. So 6 it is. Today was a 6.

Today

Once again today was like that of a day from summer. I accidentally slept in and so I didn't get to school until 11:30, meaning I had less than 2 hours of school today. After that I came home and began to be productive by sending out my graduation announcements, cleaning the kitchen, organizing the part of the garage, cleaning my room, and playing with the dog. I could get really used to the amount of free time I had today.
I also had one act play practice today and I am so excited for it. I had a great time with the little games we play as warm-ups and then in the line reading as well. We played card games and I'm ready for poker and other card games nights. Yes, today was a good day.
I'm reading more of Cat's Cradle and its a good book. I've found really interesting and neat quotes throughout it that I've been highlighting. Its good stuff.
It's two hours later now. I've just finished reading and have been listening to music for the past forty minutes. I've been drifting in and out of a conscious state and in the time haven't seen much in life. What’s the point, nothing in the long run is worth anything. How can you attain success? What is success? If you're dead, being remembered won't do anything for you. Nothing I've done is worth anything, I don't know if anything I ever do will be. Hmmm...

Book list

-Clockwork Orange
-Fight Club
-State of Fear
-Welcome to the Monkey House
-Grapes of Wrath
-Slaughterhouse Five
-Enders Game
-Speaker of the Dead
-Xenocide
-Children of the Mind
-Lolita
-THe Brothers Karamozov
-Metamorphasis

Add some more for me

Karma Police , I've given all I can, its not enough

With weekends like this it’s hard for summer not to be here. This morning I woke up early, nine o'clock is early for a weekend, and enjoyed an extended morning with my dad and the television, and some breakfast food.
That’s one thing, growing older and more mature, at least it feels like that's happening, has made me appreciate and love my parents so much more. We are on such good terms and that is so fortunate for me. And my dad is so cool. I would have to say every friend of mine can tell just how awesome he is because he doesn't act like an overbearing parent at all but still keeps people aware of his authority, and not at all in a bad way.
So back to the day, Scott came over and we played Halo! What a surprise. We did yesterday and we did today. It was great. We sat there for 7 or so hours, ate an entire pizza ourselves, a gallon of Kool-aid and Pink Lemonade, then later for dinner chicken and green beans and potatoes. And that is how it went down. How couldn't life be great? My future roommate, which is great since we'll do it a lot next year, food, and video games. It’s true what girls say. It’s a shame to admit that what the girls said the other night is true. Guys and video games will forever be married. Oh well it’s a fact of life. Unless better educated there isn't much people talk about. Its girls, friends, current entertainment and that’s usually it. I want to be better educated. I want to be wise beyond my years. I can't win arguments. I've had several, and I've never won. My arguments have been with smarter, more knowledgeable people and that doesn't help me.
I've noticed I actually choose challenges. With girls I couldn't handle a girl who likes me off the bat and went after me. I've noticed that, I wouldn't know what to do, it’s uncomfortable and that’s probably why I've been single. I have to do the liking. For other situations, I get into games versus better people, or handicap myself so they're better. It seems easier to accept defeat than win. I've only won once in tennis yet that doesn't bother me. Everyone seems to be better than me at everything and I'm okay with it. That is so strange I can't even begin to get it. I must be the epitome of lazy, because if it’s easier to lose than win, I just don’t want to try. I'm sure if I tried I'd be great.
Certain people make me exceptionally happy. Like whenever I'm around them I can't help but smile. To you people, I'm thankful for you being around to brighten even the crappiest of days. Life can seem so simple at times. I am in some kind of state right now. It doesn't seem complicated at all.

Hotel Rwanda is heavy

At 3pm today I watched Hotel Rwanda. I watched it with Scott and Anneliese, and Jeff joined us halfway through. The movie was excellent and really made you think about it. Like they say in the movie, there are people who will hear of this sort of thing and say, "that’s a shame" then keep eating dinner. I bet 99% of the people who watch that movie will do it. I am afraid I'm going to do that. I want to help though, while the Rwanda genocide is over there is still that sort of thing going on all over the place that's been put out of the spotlight thanks to lack of interest. The UN didn't do a damned thing about it except getting the freaking whities out and leaving the Rwandan people to fend for themselves. That would be the most awful situation to be in. These people saw their friends and children and spouse slaughtered for no other difference than a name. Tutsi and Hutu. Supposedly they are supposed to look different, but you can't really tell any. Why do people have to be so angry at each other? And have such a lack of regard for human life. How can you kill innocent helpless children? It's absolutely mind boggling. I don't want to be one of those people who go on without doing anything. It sucks. I want to know all about the current conflicts that our media doesn't feel is important enough. This whole mess is disgusting. Oil is more important than peace. The threat in Iraq is over, why can't we use the resources we have in there for other issues? Politics suck so hard.

Today is official, everyone is irritable day

I think today was a day to be irritable, it seems like many people were. I know I was. I'm going to go ahead and blame it on the sickness that plagues me, and the fact it is Friday the thirteen, and that can never be good. It started out well enough, I got over 10 hours of sleep so I expected things to go smoothly. Then when I got to school I didn't feel so great, and people started to piss me off. I actually got on people's case; like carrot hands and the future "el presidente." It sucks that half of the class doesn't do any work, and feels they shouldn't have to.
English sucked as usual, I felt awful during that class. I didn't want to do anything and so I didn't. It was a waste of time. Then Jeff and I did more decoration work, came home and ate some delicious food, then did something else I can't remember. Then more of nothing, and then I had some spaghetti. What a delicious food that spaghetti. I always enjoy it.
After I had dinner I went to see a movie, and en route, I learned that some of the people couldn't join us, and Jeff, the man who got everyone to come, wasn't going to be in attendance. So I get there and I don't see anyone. So I think, "oh great! A movie by myself, how awesome am I" But when the movie starts some of the peeps show up so it wasn't too bad. The movie was good. Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy, what an idea! I'd love to do space travel like that. Find out everything about life and how it works. Find some lucky lady to travel the galaxies with. Creative, creative! Well worth the 6.25, I think Cornelius pumped up the prices...
So afterwards I notice that once again I left my lights on during a movie. I swear I am one of the most forgetful people around. I've left clothes at tennis every practice I'm pretty sure, and I leave just about everything anywhere. Including my cell phone on the grass in a park near Justin’s house. So any who, I'm scared that I killed my car and I run to it, start it, and feel better then leave. However it is 9.20 and that’s just not okay. I can't go home, all I'd do is be bored, so I'm on hornecker and I feel like I should do something, and seeing as how I just saw some friends, might as well call them. So I did and we ended up going to Heidi's house and chilling there. It was pretty enjoyable. Neat crowd.

To Anonymous of May 8th

I've got to say, after reading it again, and not taking it as offense I must say I admire your honesty, and respect your opinion. I would certainly agree there is no reason for a girl to like me after some of this stuff I put in here. I'm sorry.
Honestly I'm not quite sure what to say. I've been a fool to mention all this, and to everyone who reads this, it's just not appropriate. I've singled out individuals and that can't be good. Ah! What an idiot! I've been stupid to write such personal feelings of mine towards people or about people, in such a public way. So to set the record straight, I'd like to apologize. I'm an ass, I didn't even realize it, and to Anonymous of May 8th, I'm sorry to have brushed you off and not taken the time to consider it. I'm sure more people felt the way you feel but just didn't say it.
So from thus far, this blog won't do that, it'll be more reflective on life, or unspecific feelings. I'm so sorry.



And thanks Jake.

Today was actually better

Yesterday sucked. I burnt fudge while trying to warm it into a liquid for strawberry dipping. That was one of the worst, most concentrated smells ever. The highlight was, by far, playing Halo with my dad instead of studying. Everything else blew really hard. I despise Tuesday May 11, 2005.

Today is a bit better, even after taking an AP test. The Gov test wasn't too hard at all except one essay. The saddest thing ever happened though, Elyse Gambino, who went through a great ordeal to sign-up since she missed the date, overslept and came late and wasn't allowed to take the test. Incredibly sad I know. But the test went on, and that is when I laughed and whispered, and made it obvious I was talking to Taylor about the essays. He is a funny kid. I look over after reading all the prompts and see him give me a look of disgust and I know what it's about. The third question was something we'd never ever heard of. We go 25 minutes into writing; David has two done, Taylor, .5. Another 20 minutes, David 3 down, Taylor 2. Now, we're both working on question three- I had skipped around- and I look at him. And this is Taylor mumbling quietly, "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" Yes, he did it that many times and it was so incredibly funny. The unsuspecting people are the best for that kind of thing. Alas, we both make valiant attempts and will probably squeak off with a 3. Maybe higher for him.

Now I leave and experience what life would be like if school was open campus. We'd be able to go out like Coreyann, Lindsey, and I did and go to Pizza Schmizza and Starbucks and make everyone in English class jealous. In English we're starting new novels and I chose Cats Cradle. Very bizarre as of yet, one of the strangest writing styles I've ever encountered. In fact, I really am curious how someone thought the idea up. It's so strange, "Call me Jonah. My parents did, or nearly did. They called me John." That is the first three lines of the book. It's just such a strange style, I think.

Then comes tennis and girls lacrosse where I was extremely disappointed in our girls. LAST GAME OF THE SEASON AND CAREER of must girls, at least high school career, and not one of them got booted. I asked each one to please, in the last few minutes, get a red car. But no! They didn't. The best was Courtney Scarborough whacking at a girl and getting a yellow card. I wanted to see blatant beatings! Come up behind a girl and check her so she falls face first into the mud. COME ON!!!!! Why not?! Nothing can happen to you, are you going to get kicked out of the game? with a minute to go? and no more games to get disqualified from? Uh oh, better not do it. Girls, girls, girls. You disappoint me.

Wait today isn't part of the weekend?

could have sworn it was. I went to school today for four periods, two of which I don't have anything and therefore sat around and watched a video and talked.
I left for an orthodontist appointment where they took pictures and molds of my teeth for braces. Apparently I have a flawed jaw line and therefore could use them. Not to mention I'll get perfectly straight teeth in the process.
When i got home I watched a marathon of Inferno 2 on MTV for at least three hours. It was pretty ridiculous, but it was interesting to which is why I did it. Then I played Halo and did invitations for graduation, then more of nothing and all the while I should be doing AP Government so I can pass the test, but I don't feel like it. I'll do it tomorrow.
The rain is the problem, its affecting me, I must be bipolar. I'm going to continue eating chips and listening to music now, peace out.

We're so close

With Prom down, now all we have left is graduation then we're out of here. And when I really think about it, it doesn't seem right at all. I am much too young to be getting out right? Whenever I think of graduation I think my brothers, who are much older and of course I can't get to that point. But no, it is close, very close, and so begins the rest of my life.

Growing old has both very exciting and very scary qualities. I'm moving on I'm going to experience a lot, but I'm not going to be where I am now anymore. It's much too hard to explain so I won't bother. But next year, oh wow next year will be amazing. Scott and I are going to have such a great time at Oregon, and in Germany, and now that I know what really good fun is, I'm going to strive to attain it as much as possible.

As far as ladies go, Mr. anonymous person I don't really care. Sure it's nice to have the contact, which is what I spoke of, but most of all it’s the company. Last night for example, very very nice company and cuddling doesn't hurt. It's moments like that I like. The contact with someone, where you can feel the heat of their body, and you are both completely and utterly comfortable and could sit there forever. Whether it's watching a movie, or just riding in a limousine with the sweet sounds of Damien rice. Or just sitting there talking or enjoying being with each other. So sure, it is the touch, but don't bother getting offended. If you know how I talk I'd say something like "hook-ups" without meaning any offense. But whatever, like I said it doesn't matter.

Elliot Smith can take it away...

they asked me to come down and watch the parade
and to march down the street like the duracell bunny
with a wink and a wave from the cavalcade
throwing out candy that looks like money
to people passing by that all seem to be going the other way
said won't you follow me down to the rose parade?
tripped over a dog in a choke-chain collar
people were shouting and pushing and saying
and when i traded a smoke for a food stamp dollar
a ridiculous marching band started playing
and got me singing along with some half-hearted victory song
won't you follow me down to the rose parade?
won't you follow me down to the rose parade?
won't you follow me down to the rose parade?
the trumpet has obviously been drinking
because he's fucking up even the simplest lines
i'd say it's a sight that's quite worth seeing
it's just that everyone's interest is stronger than mine
and when they clean the street i'll be the only shit that's left behind
won't you follow me down to the rose parade?
won't you follow me down to the rose parade?
won't you follow me down to the rose parade?

PROM-PROM-PROM

Today was the day of Prom and let me tell you, what a joyous day it was. We begin with me waking after a frightful dream that it was 5:45 and I had just woken up and no one was there and nothing was ready even though we'd be leaving shortly. I pretty much freaked out and that’s when I woke up really fast and looked at the time; 11:00am safe and sound. I made the necessary calls to verify our dinner, limo, and the works. Then the guys of the group got together and bought the snacks for the night, and then Brent, Scott, and I went to Brent’s and played Halo until it was prep time.

So then comes prep, and the beginning of the pictures. I pick up Megan, her mom takes pictures, we come home, and my parents take lots of pictures. I think I definitely would make a good events planner because I pretty much took care of it and it wasn't too hard at all. So the Limo comes and holy crap! It's so freaking nice, I've been excited all day and it’s finally working out and this Limo is just so nice looking and the inside is amazing. We all hop in after hundreds of pictures and drive off to prom. We brought Sparkling cider and started sipping that, listening to music, getting ready for dinner and taking even more pictures inside. I'd have to say this is going to be one of the most well documented evenings of the year.

So we get to Newport bay and I kid you not the entire place was filled with Prom kids. Talk about feeling incredibly unoriginal. It was honestly packed with people in tuxes and dresses, however not for our school. Valley Catholic had their prom, and I wouldn't doubt it was at the Adrianne, right below ours. Dinner was fantastic as was the company. I had so much fun today, probably the most fun I've had in a while.

So then, before we get to the Crown, we're cruising in the Limo, bumpin to Paul Oakenfold and the laser light show is going and the lights are changing colors and it's just awesome. We are all incredibly pumped and ready to dance.

Then we get their and it was one of the neatest experiences ever. All seniors, well mostly, and everyone I know. I wouldn't doubt I knew almost everyone in there and that was awesome! I'd walk around the corner, "HEY!!!" walk a bit more, "HEY!!!!" I was so excited about it.

DANCING WAS FREAKING WICKED!!!! I danced the most I ever have at any dance, and funny enough, had the most fun I ever have. This definitely goes to show I don't need booze or drugs to get me pumped because I must have been running on adrenaline or something because I was in such a good mood. Ah jeeze, the best dance ever!

Megan and I danced a lot and had a great time and it was awesome. It really seemed too short, but that’s alright, it was plenty worth it, and on the way home it was the best ride ever. We cranked out the Damien Rice, all the girls were leaning against the guys and cuddling and just listening to Mr. Rice serenade us.

Then we get home to my house, more of that stuff and we watch Phantom of the Opera with the addition of Weston and Anneliese, and Jessica and Taylor. The movie is really good; It seemed a lot faster than it was in the theater back whenever that was. Then pretty much everyone left, except Jeff, Megan, Scott, and Hannah. So half. We played board games and Halo, and here I am now, writing in this blog watching as the sun is coming out, and the sky is getting brighter. Enya is helping the transition.

SERIOUSLY BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE

Megan and I found the moonroof 

Four of the best looking men at Prom today. 

We are a group, and we look good like that too. 

'Bout that time eh chap?

Today is 05-05-05. Can you say awesome?! This isn't going to happen for another 100 years. It's like we should celebrate, and I did! I took an AP English Literature test this morning. Oh what an occasion that was. The multiple choice didn't seem overly difficult nor did the essays, that is, except the first one. Man oh man I had no idea what to write, so I sat there for thirty minutes writing nothing, and just thinking. Luke got done with 50 minutes to spare, then Brian, Me, Luke, and Taylor started talking and passing notes. That’s right, during an AP test, F you Mr. College Board. Then I went to lunch and had a tasty lunch fuelled with conversation of Jacob Collin-Wilson's latest read, "Battle Royale."
So in this book 50 or so students are sent to an island and told only one of them may live, they are each given a different weapon, a days worth of food rations and told to go. So we were like, what the heck would we do? First crap our pants and cry, then what? Could I handle anything? If I were stuck in this situation what would I do? The thing is we will never know. I feel an urge to test my limits though. How far can I go?! I'm so curious and so sad I'll never ever know. I need to get in a fight so bad, if not to win and see how well I do, to get the crap beaten out of me to see how foolish I was to go into it.

In other news:
*I got a haircut and now I look 15.
*My glasses are coming in tomorrow.
*AP English is officially out of my mind.
*Tennis is pretty much over.
*Girls are hard.
*I'm going to read so many books this summer! I've got a list of 10 already, and those are only quick suggestions, there are lists that I'll be reading, hundreds of books!

The subject: Summer and thoughts

I won my match today. I played vs. Woodburn in a make-up non-league game and whooped them 6-1, 6-3. I probably could have won 6-0, 6-0 if I didn't give them so many points by not trying. But what does that matter? It really doesn't is the thing.
I'm really happy that I finally got to attend a girls Lacrosse match, unfortunately it was against Liberty, who isn't good at anything but lacrosse apparently, and they lost. I did witness the most entertaining thing I've seen a girl do in a long time. Hannah Wendell was in a clash with liberty girls who then recovered the ball, and Hannah plants her feet as one girl is coming her way, sticks out her stick, and trips her. IT WAS AWESOME! The girl fell down hard on the ground and I couldn't help but laugh, of course the ref's didn't see it and Hannah was off Scott-free. She's a wild girl that Hannah, she got a yellow card, then another, making a red card and kicking her out of that game and the next. Apparently she gets cards quite frequently; good work.
So then I head over to the Upton’s since I am but 100 yards from their house. When I get out of my car it doesn't look like anyone is home so I go investigate and sure enough, Juba is in her cage and they are gone. I can't let Juba out because I know I'd hate to be stuck in a cage, so I did. We played with her ball for a while then I looked at the grass. Jeff was supposed to cut it about two weeks ago, and had gotten as far as going around the perimeter once, making for a really funny looking lawn. I don't hesitate to pull out the mower and start mowing it for him. Unfortunately their mower sucks really hard and I could only get as far as going from one side to another, and back again, until I had to empty it and then clear out the bottom- it got clogged every time. This made for a lot more work than expected, but I started and I couldn't finish it. So after getting a good little cycle going I had it done in about an hour and a half, which including stopping every few cycles to play with Juba. I love that dog so much, and big dogs in general. I do love my dog a lot, but you can't let her outside without her running away, you can't lay with her without her moving, she's too small to play rough with, and she's a picky little biatch and only does what she wants. Juba on the other hand, and Arthur, Justin's strawberry golden retriever of whom I laid with at his party because he was so freaking soft and cuddly, you can play with. They both can be let outside without fear of running away, and they're big, which gives more to love. After mowing the lawn I left, before they got home which made it even better of a surprise.
This can't be exactly normal, I don't think most people would go and mow a lawn, or go help do dishes for 2 hours, or clean other people's houses for them, and then deny any rewarding payment, or spend it on them. What the heck is wrong with me? It goes along with my romantic outlook on life, and quite frankly, being a romantic isn't so great at all. Having a bit of that personality in me would be cool, but I'd say it's more over the top, not ridiculously so, but at sometimes it feels that way. Goo.
I hate not having the ability to do things when I want. Time is so tight with school, I can't wake up and say, I think I'll go for a walk, or go for a swim, or lie out in the sun and read. I can't do that with school and it just isn't okay, school is retarded and pointless so it shouldn't stand in my way. When June 10th rolls around and I don't have to waste 6 hours of my life in school everyday I'll be a happy man. I think I will go shopping one of these days since I don't think I've gone in about a year. I could use some new pants, swimming shorts, undershirts and the other necessities, and shoes. I probably will end up waiting it out until I leave for college and having a small shopping spree before I head off. I think I'm also not liking being able to feel independent, and I guess that goes with having the responsibilities of school. I want to come home, be left alone, maybe even feel alone, until I find something I want to do, most likely go over to a friends house and spend all day there.
How I long for cuddling. Too bad two boys yanked my hook-ups. I'm pretty happy with that repetition right there, its catchy, and true! Oh so true, there are hundreds of girls at school, yet the only two I ever look to for such things aren't even accessible. I guess when college comes around I'll have an opportunity to get rid of those needy feelings, at least with the two, and move on.
On girls topic, Megan and I are going to prom and that is going to excellent. I haven't had a chance to go out with her again since her grounding, but with this extravaganza coming up we'll have plenty of time to hang out. She's one cool girl.
I like when my mind wanders like this. It probably makes for much more interesting reading as well.
I love the smell of summer. When you wake up early and it's cool but the sun is coming out and you can go outside and drive somewhere and take a long walk. I think I'm going to do that more when summer comes, I'm tired of the neighborhoods I live around and want something new and exciting to look at when I walk, and after that bike ride of mine, I see now that it's perfectly attainable. Then you've got the lethargic feeling you get after you've just swan and begin to lay outside in the warm heat of the sun. Nigh slowly comes and with it the smells of barbeques and the early evening sports. I have these memories of playing catch with the football, or homerun contests, or some other sport in the early evening of summer nights with my brother and the warm air. It's warm enough to wear shorts and a t-shirt, but not overly hot like it was in the afternoon. After dinner you've got the extended sunlight and the still warm air, and then you can go on an evening bike ride. Perhaps meet up with a friend and sit on a roof and talk, and enjoy the evening. The stars seem so bright and amazing in the summer too. I love bringing out a blanket and music and gazing up at the stars and going into a deep thought, and even not thinking at all. It’s things like this that make summer so much better than any season. Being free is such a great feeling, I’d love to explore more this summer as well. Europe will be amazing, but there’s so much even in the near states that I could explore and enjoy. Mountain biking across the country sides, swimming and boating, everything. As I become more independent I think these sorts of excursions will become more frequent.

This again?

Over the span of last night I dreamed, and by this morning I could only remember one. Jeff, Anneliese, and I were riding across America on our bikes and we stopped off at some canyon area, or at least a large cliff, to look over and see what was going on. I slipped on some loose gravel and Anneliese grabbed me as I went over the edge. She began to slip and Jeff grabbed her. I was hanging from Anneliese's arms, and she was slowly sliding off because Jeff couldn't get enough footing. When Anneliese got to be 7/8ths of the way over the edge, I looked at her and let go. I was completely peaceful at this time and knew that it'd be saving two people.

I've often dreamt of such things, and as it says on myspace, I'd like to die saving someone. Awfully dumb isn't it? I'd say it'd probably be the best way to go out; not only am I saving people, but I was completely at peace. I can only hope I would be like that in such a situation instead of panicking for my life and bringing down the rest of them with me. Bad, bad thought. I'd hate to do that.

I went to church for the first time in a long while and it just seemed so weird. It was my cousin's First Communion. The mass just felt so strange, it was a bunch of stuff written out for us to say as our own. "I believe...blah blah," it just doesn't feel like it means anything when you say it like that. Everyone has memorized the exchanges and doesn't even think about them I'm sure. And the priest was telling us what we believe; it’s just all very strange. Another thing that struck me was the priest saying that if we pray God and Jesus will listen, okay, then why when we have hundreds of people praying together for certain things does it not happen? What more do we need to do? We prayed for the sick of the community to get better and the injured in the war and such, but it's not ending. Every Christian in America does that sort of thing, but I just haven't seen results. I don't want to sound as though i don't appreciate/respect religions and what not; I just need to find faith on my own.

Jeff and I talked tonight about relationships and everything and it's getting back to where it was. I like the idea of having someone again, or at least cuddling with someone. I haven't done that in such a long time. The soft comforting pressure from the person right next to me, ah yes cuddling is amazing. The other night at the Koehler’s Mary and Kurt were on the couch and it made me really excited for when I get old enough to have a wife. I can't even describe how it was, just awesome. I smiled. Girls, I'm available...