I can't take my mind off of you....

So five comments so far on the last entry, thats pretty fantastic. I'm really pleased with you faithful readers and your lovely comments. I don't know who cpt. Anonymous is, but a special thanks to you. I like that analogy a lot. Hopefully I start into my run soon enough.
Today was pretty good. I'd have to say the best part of it was my going to Yoga at Hawthorne. Thank you Megan for letting me in on that, I'm glad you're there. By the by, if anyone was unaware of this, Megan is extremely flexible, like, touching her head the ground flexible, absolutely amazing. It was so enjoyable- my time there. The stretches and positions were really challenging but I got over it and had a good time. The relaxation part at the very end was the best. I layed there, completely limp and just cleared my head. I didn't do a great job, but at least what i thought about was worth thinking about. I imagined me walking down the stairs of Machu Picchu on a beautifully clear sunny day. Partly with a girl near me, but mostly alone. It was absolutely refreshing. Then she said not to really think about anything and I focused on my body. I pictured the air going into my lungs, filling up and flowing into my blood, then my blood flowing all around my body with every heartbeat. It was pretty amazing. I think I pictured myself at an amusement park like Santa Cruz part of the time as well.
I want to get out and do stuff. It'd be fantastic to drive down to California for a few weeks and just go around to the major cities and check them out. And Canada, I'd love to go to Canada on a bit of a roadtrip. I wish I didn't have to have my parents worry for me. I'd like to be able to start driving and just end up somewhere, just pack up my car, and hit the road, make it to California, or Seattle, or who knows, maybe to Colorado. I wish I had connections to other countries. It'd be nice to go to Ireland and experience that, and be like my brother and go to New Zealand and backpack for a few months. Oh the places I could go.
I'm still listening to Damien Rice and I'm still having the thoughts of my love. I really do appreciate all the nice comments I've received and I recognize I'll get my time, I'm just ready for it about now. Scott and I have talked about me getting a girlfriend, or a least a date, and I've been thinking about it. There are so many attractive girls out there, but I don't want just that, I narrow it down even more so to the ones with personalizes and that gets rid of half of the lookers. Then there is a person with similar views and genuine ideals. This narrows it down, but there are still many to fall for, so why haven't I? All the girls I interact with for the most part would make amazing girlfriends, so what is stopping me? I was at dance team practice today and just thinking of a relationship didn't appeal to me. So I'm officially messed. I can't decide what I want because if I don't want some of these girls, then I don't know what I'm waiting for....I need to stop waiting, I need to run as mr. cpt Anonymous said. I have to go on with my life and soon enough the right one will be there right next to me. I better open up my eyes, because these girls, you girls, are great. I think I'm just too scared to make a move. I'm uncomfortable with the unfamiliar and that's basically what dating is. Why don't girls make the moves? I could go for some of that.
It's truly unfortunate that it began to rain today, I was getting used to the idea of summer and the weather that comes along with. Life's going to change here really soon and I honestly have no idea as to the outcome. I'd like to imagine with the choices I've made thus far it'll turn out well. There's a thought: I'm virgin in several ways of the word. The most obvious yes, then there's alcohol, and drugs, and then simple stuff like a relationship, a first kiss, a first love (mutual of course), all of that.
Dammit Damien Rice, I'm going to kill you and your music. I've played this CD of his at least five times in the past three days. Way too many times, but its too good. Sidenote about dance team, I absolutely love flags, and they have them in this number of theirs. SUPER!

"And I'll ask for what I give to you
Is just what i'm going through
This is nothing new
No no just another phase of finding what I really need
Is what makes me bleed"

Why'd you fill my sorrow, with the words you borrowed?

I cannot get enough of Damien Rice at the moment. I absolutely love "O" and have listened to it at least three times today. The songs are so good and his lyrics are perfect. I wish I had the creativity he does and his vocals skills. If you want to listen to a great CD, get "O" and listen to it a lot. It's good for a quite, calm atmosphere. I'd like to have a better roof so I could sit on it, watch the stars and play his music. I really need an Ipod, I'm tired of lugging around my CD's and CD player. Dang, its like gold, this Damien Rice guy. "stones taught me to fly...love taught to lie...life taught me to die......so its not hard to fall, when you float like a cannonball..."
Yesterday was good, even more so now after thinking of the good things that happened. Today was uber boring. I burned several CD's enjoyed the lovely sun, saw Jeff and did some homework. I'll retract my boring statement, it wasn't too bad. I had the morning to myself. And its then that I pictured myself being older and having my own house to manage. I liked it. I did the laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, cleaned my room, tidied the bathroom, and most of the rest of the house. I'd want to have someone to share it with though. It'd get old doing it for myself, I'd want a beautiful wife to do it for, and then cook for her.
I want to be a great husband, not whipped of course, but willing to take care of the woman I love. It's going to be a great feeling to have someone love me as much as I love them, and in the same way. I shouldn't think of marriage, its much farther in the future, I'd say at least 10 years, but I can't help it. I get these ideas of the fantastic things I could do. I don't know how I'll settle for what I'll end up with, not spouse-wise, but life style. I've watched these TV shows about these rich famous people who own freaking islands and I want so badly to have that when I grow up. It'd be absolutely amazing to be like the guy who owns Virgin Records, Richard something. He's extremely rich and has so much to give. I don't want to sound material. I just know whats out there and for the moment its hard to thing I'll have to settle for much much less.
I don't want to think about Marriage. I'm 17! I have hundreds of dates left before I get to that point. My imagination always gets the best of me. I need to live now, not in my head in the future. There are millions of girls out there, why should I think of only one right now? I need to get out and date. Next year Scott and I will be out, all the time, dating. Maybe, he's got Hannah, so I might be flying solo. It's this music, it paints pictures of relationships and all the love involved, and my not having any makes me want it so bad, and its always about one girl. I don't listen to music about guys who get around. They always have one love, and it sounds so right. Damien Rice had a hard break-up of some sort. Funny thing is, I've got a funny sort of feeling of a connection between his feelings and mine, but I haven't had anyone. Only thoughts of them. I could pick out sentences from every one of his songs and put it towards one of my thoughts. That actually applies to all the music I listen to.
It was such a lovely day out today, I wish I had done something with someone. This is where a girl would come in. We could hop in my car and go out, go for a long walk, play tennis, ride bikes, have a picnic, just about a million and five things, but instead I was at home, in my backyard by myself.
Life revolves around Love. If you've made it this far in my entry, you're a trooper. Thanks for reading. Maybe you can add something to wake me from this dreamland I'm living in.
I look to my Eskimo friend...

its Grainger, Alex Grainger

It appears Megan is the only one that loves me, so this one is for you Megan. Its a pretty weak dedication because today was not especially exciting, but for me it was a good day, and for that, its dedication worthy.
Today I spent most of the day in Court. It was out Mock Trial and I had to be there at 7 in the morning until about 3. It was quite a long time but I enjoyed it for the most part. Especially when I got to go. I played Alex Grainger, a student of Paradise Middle School who testifies against the plaintiff Andy Parker. I owned that biatch. Firstly on the direct we did great, we were in synch and I answered well, then Cross was my true shining moment. I played against the other team so much that one guy said, "Mr. Grainger, Can you just answer my question?" he got called for badgering the Witness. Then he tried to pin stuff on me that I technically wasn't aware of, so I said, "I don't recall" then they tried to impeach my statement and couldn't so I won. In the end, the Judge said our team had the best Witness's of that trial and especially thought I did well. I am pleased with that.
Then on the way to Anneliese's house I got hit by a dumb woman driving a van. She veered into my lane and luckily I swerved out of the way so she just barely tapped the back end of my car leaving no damages. When I got out of my car I was worried it'd leave a mark and I'd have to fill out all this paperwork and get her ID and stuff, but seeing as how I had no damage, and it was her fault, I told her I wouldn't do anything. I really really hope she has a broken car though, maybe like the front bumper falls off soon or something. She's a complete dumb ass for going into my lane right next to me. Stupid freaking idiot.
Then Anneliese and I went to Coffee which was enjoyable. We went to Daweson's Creek and walked around and talked in the really nice sunny day. Today was another one of those days when its just so refreshing to have a friend that you don't have feelings for. She's a great person and I'm glad we've got what we've got.
Then I went out to Dinner and a Movie with my family. We went to the lovely Red Robins and enjoyed fine food, then went to Evergreen and watched Constantine. I really really liked it. I thought it was super neat. I really like Comic Book to movies deal and this one was one of those really interesting Comics that made for a great storyline. I really liked the characters and the whole idea of what was going on, pretty freaking sweet. I don't know what your pick is as far as genre's but I liked it.
So then i got home around 9:30 and Scott and I hung out. That was probably the most fun two and a half hours I've had in a while. First we drove around and then walked the streets of Tannasbourne, then picked on some little kids for being out late by taunting them from the car with, "Isn't it past your Bedtime?" and such, then went to Warehouse music, then to Krispy Kreme and Wendy's where I experience my first KBKJ. A Krispy Kreme plain glazed donut on top of the patty of a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger from Wendy's, and funny enough it was good. The tastes separated and they were both really good. Then we went to his house and went on the roof and talked and looked at the sky, so romantic. Actually we planned out what we would do if I had a girlfriend and his was home. It was incredibly romantic and involved mucho cuddles and blankets on the roof, a home cooked dinner, a movie, and massages with oils. It would be super sweet.
I need to give up on the games being played and find someone else to fall for. Maybe I should just go for it with a few ladies just to try it. Only 3 months left, no real harm can be done. I ought to ask a girl out, and just go from there, maybe Scott and I could do that double date deal afterall. Not to toot my own horn, but I think I deserve better than what I'm getting in the ladies department, and I think it ought to come along now. Let Scott and I carry out of master plans.
Overall today was great, lots of things, no real boring moments, all busy hustle bustle. Have a great night.

I truly am Ironman!

Today was all about the blood. I slept in a little bit to make sure i wasn't tired in the morning and I ate a big breakfast to nourish myself. I got to math, didn't understand most of it and moved on to Leadership. We had Joseph Stalin's grand-daughter. She locked us in the room, and made sure that no one left. Despite the fact that we normally move about freely, she made it apparent we would sit in the room and do absolutely nothing for 90 minutes. Needless to say, multiple people back talked her and gave her lip, which she deserved.
Then Scott and I went up to the Blood Center. First we filled out some paperwork, some of our answers slightly false, like leaving the country in the past year, and living in a foreign country for a little more than 3 months. We had to do this to ensure we could give blood. We know we didn't get a disease there because we didn't do anything that would entail such a thing, so don't think of us in a bad way. Anywho, then we got our finger pricked to check for Iron. We both had a good amount, both drops sank quickly. Then we got to the giving part. Scott got called before me and was seated and prepped just as I was seated. I saw him get his needle in, along with seeing Collin Clemens, and then it was my turn. The lady marked my vein with a felt marker and that actually hurt more than the needle. As it turns out, my blood flows like a freaking river because I beat both Collin and Scott. Total time it took for me to fill a pint: 5 minutes. Collin: 18, Scott: 8(?) something like that. Needless to say I won, and I didn't feel bad at all. I got up feeling completely normal and ready to give more. I was happy with how it worked out because it was probably the best it could have gone, and now I know its a piece of cake. I'm completely ready to save more lives. BOOYA!
Tonight has been exceptionally boring. I've talked with some cool people for a short amount of time, but not long enough.
I'll tackle girl problems later, I've got to get up at 6:15 tomorrow, DZ OUT!

It's so fair,.....or at least, it should be

Today I felt lazy, I didn't feel up to doing math, and so I'll get slammed for that later on the tests. Then in StuCo we got a free day. It was pretty cool, back to what Student Council really is all about back in the day. We read some interesting stories from a Cosmo magazine. I can't believe they print the stuff they do, its practically pornography. They talked about sex accidents that ended in the ER. Worst one of all, a man fractured his penis on "his" girls pelvic bone. That would hurt so very bad. English was more of poetry and while I am not fantastic at reading into it, its fun to write and share. I wrote awful poems but they can be pretty entertaining. All in all the day went fast.
Afterschool I didn't feel up to Tennis, my legs were sort of sore and again I felt lazy, so I called in and said I couldn't make it. I spent that time watching TV and eating. Then I talked to Becky and we went on a walk. It was pretty good, conversation was fine, but it was freaking cold. I got a temporary rash deal from it. I'm allergic to something. Then I went home, ate, and went to Mock trial.
I don't get how half of the kids don't even feel it necessary to show up. Everyone ought to have been there and ran through it. I'm pretty much ready for my part. I surprised myself how quickly I picked up the facts. I only read through my affidavit like twice. Heather and I will bring the funk down to the Washington County courthouse come Saturday morning.
Tonight I became confused once again as to what I think vs. thought. I keep over reacting about stuff and its not fun, and I don't like it. Then, an hour later, I think it was a waste of time and I didn't accomplish a thing. And now I don't even want to think about it. I want to take some time off from things and spend it with people I don't have to worry about upsetting.
Tonight I also realized how much of a push-over I am. If you looked up tool in the dictionary you'd find me. I let people walk over me all the time, because I'm too nice to decline. I take things on that I don't necessarily think about, and then it all conflicts and I get overwhelmed for a bit. I can't say no to so many things. Obviously drugs and all that jazz is easy enough, its the stupid trivial things that i don't want to do necessarily, but I say yes to be a good helpful person, even if its not to my favor.
I also figured out how much being fair and equality is important to me. I hate favorites or when people can have something all without letting others have a shot. I noticed it first with my cousin's basketball. There were about four kids that had to have the ball, and would make it a point that they got it, and then there were the push over kids, like me, who would give it to them, and never get anything in return. When I played with them last night, I made it a point to block/heavily guard the ball hogs and tell them they had better pass or I'd get the ball. For the most part they'd try to shoot over me, but several times I got them to do it. There were two kids who hardly got the ball, so when I'd get a ball, I'd "slip" and it'd go to them, and I'd tell them to take it to the hoop and shoot, and they'd be open and the ball hogs would steal it or have them pass it to them. It really goes to everything in life. There are the ball hogs, the pushovers, and the middle men. I wish it'd be more fair. I want to coach kid teams, and show them how little winning matters. I would have everyone play equal time, whether they could shoot or not, or hit the ball, or whatever sport it is. Letting everyone have fun is the point, who the heck cares about a win? It won't give you anything in life, memories are memories. If you had a great time, you'll remember it for that, if you didn't but won, that won't be something you'll want to remember.
I myself feel crappy for taking and not giving the givers something in return. And with borrowing money, That's even bigger. I have people who owe me money from forever ago, I don't pester them for it, but I know if I borrowed it, I'd feel the need to pay it back. Equality is huge for me. It sounds like I'm telling people they aren't good people for not. I'm not doing that. I'm just making self observations.
Oh so idealistic.

...come sit on my wall.....

Today is the start of my new schedule where I start getting busy. I had tennis after school until about 6 and then dinner until I left with my cousin for his B-Ball practice an hour later.
I'll start with tennis. Our new coach, who happens to be my Elementary school P.E. teacher is a lot more active than Todd Powell. Coach Powell let us run our own practices which left for very lazy ones. We'd play against eachother and if he tried to get us to do work, we'd say no and do what we wanted. This new coach doesn't have the close ties with the players so we can't do that sort of thing. He's making us do drills and actually work for it. I'm a lazy guy so its not ideal, but I'll take it. I'm excited to have something to do afterschool for a few months. I need to get music out there though. It makes it much more enjoyable. Speaking of music, I'm listening to Damien Rice at the moment. When I first heard him I didn't really care for it, but then I heard it some more, and now I really like it. He's got awesome stuff.
Now onto B-ball practice. It was Father-son day so to speak. I played the role of the father for my cousin seeing as how my Grandpa is a little too old to be running the courts. It was a blast. The kids are so excited about it and love it to death. I wish I could have been the assistant coach. They've got some things they need to understand like not to try and steal the ball from their own guys so they can have it. Basically equal ball time and sharing. Thats it, the rest they've got covered. My cousin is rad by the way. He's half-black which adds to his funktastic points.
I think all this readiness for next year and all these new goals and habits are a little bit of a maturity deal, and thats pretty sweet. I'm on my way up and I think I'll do just fine.
I've got more math homework to do, and some straightening up to do, so I'm off, have a great day/night.

Can I come? Goodnight

Between the time before I went to bed and after I wrote my blog life seemed to fit together like the fist puzzle had been solved. Of course thats like the 12 piece puzzle. Now its on to the 500 piece one, where the real thing happens. But before I worry about that one, I'd like to bask in the glory of the first.
I believe I'm officially ready to move on, in the time before I can do this I'm just going to enjoy life. Spring is about to start, and then comes summer, and today reminded me more why I love the summer. I lounged around with Scott Heter watching the Girls Lacrosse practice, playing tennis, and just having fun. That was probably the most fun hour and a half I've had in a while. It was truly fun, The sun was glorious and I'm excited for it to get warm.
This morning I had Mock Trial stuff, and that was pretty exciting. This law deal is pretty interesting, there were so many objections it wasn't even funny. I think I did alright but there is certainly time to improve before Saturday. Hopefully we kick butt there too.
I'm going to reach my goal of being able to do these self-strength moves like the flagpole, and tiger-press, and the table deal. Then I'm going to work on harder ones. I want to be fit and I want to be healthy. I think I ought to make this giving up sweet things a year-long project, only allowing it on Sundays. Eventually waning off even more to the point I don't really want it, and its more of just a occasional tasty treat. That'd be cool.
The girl problems are unclear at this point. I've survived without much contact, not by choice just chance, but its actually fine. I've wanted it when I was in close proximity but more than that I just want things back to how they were when I didn't want anything but we were great friends. That'd be the best. I don't think its going to ever happen, unfortunately. Maybe time can fix some things, who knows.
Now to do the pre-bed workout. I'm going to become strong I tell you.

P.S. I really really want to go to Canada, specifically B.C. with friends. Not a large group, maybe 5 or so. But no parents and all fun. That'd be sweet.

No name #1

I guess it was too much to think I'd keep getting the comments everytime, oh well.
Today started out with a bit of annoyance. I had told my dad I wanted to go play tennis with Anneliese before his lunch/dinner celebration at 3. Well I woke up at 11 so I only had a few hours to do this. An hour of it was me slowly getting ready for the day. Then he tells me I will be vacuuming the house and helping him with yardwork before I do anything else. That pissed me off. I don't really like it when people tell me to do things, I'd rather do them on my own. I know this is not following exactly what I said last time, but moods change. Anywho, I rushed through all of that and luckily got it done before Anneliese called. So it didn't necessarily have to be a fuss, it was just the principle that she could have called at 12 and I'd have wanted to go play.
Tennis was good. I have a lot to improve on but I'm excited to get to it. It's good exercise and it will be good to keep me busy. My new racket is the shiznit.
Dad's B-day celebration 2 was pretty good. The food was delicious, the company was strange. Josh came home for it, and it was weird. With he and Phyllis getting married and the tension caused by that made everyone act funny. He seemed to be different than I remembered him last and it was kind of lame. I think Jake needs to be back. I miss him. I miss my mom too. She's been with my Grandparents for almost two weeks now I think, and its going to be another 2 or 3 before she's back with us. I really hope my dad had a good time though. I'm not sure what he's going to do when Megan and I leave. I hope he and my mom go places and do things and they aren't bored to death at home.
I'm realizing even more that I will lose contact with 95% of the people I know. Its not that I am not friends with them or that I don't want to keep close. I'm just ready to move on. I'll do this later, but for now, thanks a lot. You guys have been great to me and I'll always have these memories. I'm going to go off to college and start my life. Its going to be amazing. I think it will be very good for me. It'll give me a new start so to speak and I'll figure things out. I can see myself cracking down on working and becoming much more motivated. I'm happy for this. I'm going to work hard to get where I want, as soon as I figure out where that is.
I'm wanting to be fit. I wish I could be strong, at least with core strength. I don't care to put up 400 pounds on bench press, what I do want is to be able to hold myself up with one hand, or do tiger presses away from a wall. I need stability and strength. For tonight I'll say I'm going to work to achieve that, but who knows where I'll be tomorrow or next week. I will start taking yoga at Hawthorne Monday and Wednesday's, and if you're a member, come with me.
I guess I've started writing a lot more again, I don't know if I'd want to read it all either. But it came out, so there that is.

Jesus is a stronger man than I.....

but we all knew it. I feel like giving up on giving up sweets for lent. Its been bugging me that I can't have any of my delicious ice cream, or cookies, or candy. I will be waiting until 12 o'clock tonight and going downstairs and grabbing myself a small bowl.
Today was pretty good. I woke up early, considering the fact its a weekend, and went to my cousin Jeremy's Basketball game. So here's a topic: Kids parents are ridiculous. So here are 9 year olds, or there about in the 3rd or 4th grade and these parents are yelling at them what to do. Not that its chill to say, "Shoot it" or "Run that way!" but seriously, when you're yelling at your kid to "Zone D!!!" or actually, yelling at all, its just retarded. I guess they don't get its just a little game for a group of little kids. Let them play, let the coaches deal with things, and the refs call it how they do. If you have a problem with that, you'd better shut your freaking mouth because it makes me want to go and yell at you. I'm am going to make a fantastic parent, and I think I'll coach my kids sports teams, and when tell all parents to be completely quiet during games except for cheers. They can so "Go Zach!" or "Good Job Mikey!" but no instructions. I sometimes think the parents sign the kids up because they want to live vicariously through their kids. It bugs me. I'm definitely not going to do that.
Then Jeremy and I played catch with the football, played video games, and played with his remote control car for most of the afternoon and early evening. That was fun, when little kids aren't annoying and are just fun, its really cool. I'd say it was a good way to spend the 6 hours or whatever it was.
Then I went to dinner at PF Chang's with my pops and sister. It was my Dad's Birthday and I thoroughly enjoyed the dinner. Although, Kalena wasn't working, so that was too bad, I saw her earlier when I was playing with Jeremy- she lives across the street from my grandparents. But the food was delicious and it was nice to get out of the house. I'd say I under appreciate my dad. He's had a tough time raising us kids and dealing with my mom's sicknesses. He's done a great job so far, and I think I owe him a lot of gratitude.
Sky Captain and the world of tomorrow was next on our birthday evening's agenda. It was a good movie, I enjoyed it. At first the fact it was completed fake looking and in plot bugged me, then I got over it and realized I could probably use more completely unrealistic movies. Better than ones that could happen, and thus put thoughts in my head.
The End, I'm tired of writing.

Guess not...

I didn't do anything tonight, unlike I said I would. I didn't go out and roam the many hotspots of Hillsboro, nor did I meet up with a friend and just converse. Basically all I've done today is go to school, then veg at home.
I did read an interesting article about the human brain in National Geographic. This thing is wild! You start developing your brain four weeks after conception, then it develops and develops. When you are born you already know the difference between your mothers voice and other peoples, you know what she looks like after only something like two days, you can recognize differences in language too, and you know what certain foods are like. Its absolutely wild. They say after the first several months of birth the baby is a learning machine. It doesn't take a while to recognize/memorize things like us adults do, no it just takes everything in. So when it is staring at things, its purposefully learning. It can't do many things with critical thinking because that portion of the brain is not developed, but that comes after only three years. Its impossible to remember anything before age four. You haven't developed the hippocampus enough. 6 months into birth you've developed more brain cells than you will ever have again. Although new research is saying that it is in fact possible to gain brain cells as an adult, more stuff dealing with stem cells and such. Its absolutely fascinating, this brain of ours. As you do certain activities it develops, so if you were blind and read Braille for a long time, you'd have a larger touch sensory part of your brain because you constantly are using. The thing I really want after reading this is tests to be done on me. See what my brain is like, am I more developed in certain areas? Should I focus and certain activities to help stimulate my brain. I have a crappy memory, how do I fix that? I really want to talk to these doctor's and figure stuff out. They also mentioned how meditating and that type of thing help your brain. They took a test of a senior Tibetan lama skilled in meditation, and all of his meditation and similar hobbies showed, statistically with data, that he was the happiest person on the earth they had seen. They say even after 3 months of meditation you can notice a difference, but you have to stick with it for it to stay. So now, I need to figure this stuff out, because I want to be healthy and smart, and well developed. You should read this article, its in the March 2005 edition of National Geographic.
Also, I drew those pictures below this bad boy. They're from MS Paint.

This is El Croc, he is foe to Alex the Penguine, but unfortunately, he lives in a different part of the world. 

This is Alex, he is a penguine, and he is walking on ice. 

Loathing, pure unadulterated loathing....

First things first, I've found my new role model. His name is B-Boy Buana. He is a freaking stud. He is a breakdancer and is probably one of the most amazing ones at that. He has his own website: http://www.b-boyjunior.com/ and has some awesome videos on that. But most impressive is this video. For that one you need to click on the link it provides to download the video. It looks fake, I'll tell you, but its not, which makes it even more amazing. That guy must have so much core strength its unbelievable, and if I could do what he does, I'd be amazing.
Now that you've check that out, we'll continue. Today was not the best odd day I've had. The assembly was good, as was AP Gov seeing as we didn't do much, but Art wasn't as great. I really wasn't happy with how my stuff was turning out. I couldn't mix the colors at all and I really want it to look good. My sketch is very boring, just me looking straight on, and I don't even have all the features correct. I need to re-sketch I think. Jeff's was stupendous, and everyone mentioned it. The thing is, he spent forever on stuff like shading and all of these other details, and I got kind of tired of looking for them, so I went fast and when you rush a product, it doesn't turn out as good. So I need lots more patience. I also need to work on the fundamentals of facial structure and such. My moth was pretty poor as was my jawline. And starting painting was a bad idea, the paint I mixed sucked, and now I'll feel bad wasting the paper, so I'll have to go over it in more color, and all these other kids are cranking out these amazing artworks. Its frustrating when I can't make what I have in my head. I also grew tired of looking at myself and seeing all these freaking flaws in my face, that was annoying too.
Then, for the fourth consecutive day I have stayed home all night. The first few days it was refreshing, being alone and such, but today it was a total bore. I have absolutely nothing to do. I'm tired of wasting time on the net, and video games don't appeal now. I need someone to go out with. There's ton I could do outside of my house, but not alone, that wouldn't be as enjoyable. I don't know, I'll go out tomorrow, if not with someone alone, because I can't spend an entire week at home, thats just lame. This weekend will be good. Maybe I'll finally get to hit, I very ready to start the tennis season.

grrrr....don't make Fluffy mad!

grrr.... 

Let me just say this; I HATE MATH. I don't get it anymore and that bugs the crap out of me. I used to be really good at it, super advanced and what not, but now, I am probably the stupidest kid in the class. Its crappy. I don't even know why i took Calc 2, what a dumb idea. To all of you who would be allowed to do so, don't take it, its the worst class ever. As Ms. Abel apparently told Katie, "There is more to life than math." So don't even bother with it.
Today was another, go home and do random acts of kindness, like clean the downstairs, empty the dishwasher, put all the dirty piled up dishes into the dishwasher, groom the dog, and clean the bathroom. I don't know what the deal is, but I've been doing that a lot lately. Then I went to this Mock Trial deal where I so kindly volunteered to be a witness. I learned some stuff about objections today. It was pretty cool, I think it'd be interesting to get into that sort of thing, but I'm not going to.
The rest of the night has been so so, just lounging. I'm ready for someone to ask em to do something after school so I can socialize. So, just tell me whats going on, and I'm probably down, lets do something rad. Also, this whole getting comments on every blog is pretty freaking sweet, so thank you all for commenting. You guys are awesome.

Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better....

I'd first like to start with a shout out to Patrick for giving me the origin of the word funk and its several meanings, thanks for that bud.
Today was another good day. While I did in fact outsleep my alarm, thus not allowing me to exercise this morning, I did enjoy it. First period is still good, I think I ought to just sit with another kid and watch him work, I bet i could learn faster that way. Then third period I walked Kalena halfway home, I stopped at my house and got some snacks for yearbook kiddos. She's a cool girl that Kalena, and gives really good hugs. I will also not deny the fact she is attractive, she'll be a good friend. Then school went on, and Government was alright, some bills these kids are trying to pass seem crazy. I think I might as well do the same, I should propose a new one; "Legalize all drugs for a yearlong period" thus allowing all the stupid people who would use them to OD and die, thus leaving the somewhat better people to enjoy the world. Now of course, this is only hardcore drugs, anything besides Pot basically. Pot wouldn't kill them, or at least not fast enough. Only thing, all non-drug users must be warned not to drive, ever. Let the stupid mofo's drive and kill themselves. Also send all smokers, tobacco, away, I don't like it and it hurts me. lets send them in installments into shark infested pools. OR! Onto an island, a super large island, and they can live away from everyone else. Like, we could give up one of the Caribbean islands, or even better, one of the millions of Polynesian islands. We wouldn't give them any boats of anysort, they'd be left to fend for themselves, completely shut off from the world. This would make things better, of course you'd still have the assholes and such, but at least its a start.
Tonight was sweet. I came home, took a nap in my "sun" couch, then was left alone while my sister and dad went to her dance. I played with my dog for a long time, ate healthy snacks, and listened to music while i did my math lab. I enjoyed the peacefulness and the alone time. No one is online right now and thats a good thing, It'll force me to go to bed, or at least not talk forever. I think I should have given up AIM for lent. I still could....but I'm not willing enough to, what a jerk.
Tomorrow, I'll wake up early, considering its a late day, and get stuff done, like a workout or something.

Enjoy your evening with more of the Shins:
Shut out, pimpled and angry.
I quietly tied all my guts into knots.
Gave up on trying to make them,
I figured it'd take them too long to look up and besides...

It was undeniably clear to me i don't know why
When every other part of life seemed locked behind shutters
I knew what worthless dregs we've always been.

Lucked out and found my favorite records
Lying in wait at the birmingham mall.
The songs that i heard,
The occasional book
Were the only fun i ever took.
And i got on with making myself.
The trick is just making yourself.

But when they're parking their cars on your chest
You've still got a view of the summer sky
To make it hurt twice when your restless body
Caves to its whims
And suddenly struggles to take flight...

Three thousand miles north east
I left all my friends at the morning bus stop shaking their heads.
"what kind of life you dream of? you're allergic to love."
Yes i know but i must say in my own defense
It's been undeniably dear to me, i don't know why
When every other part of life seemed locked behind shutters
I knew the worthless dregs we are,
The selfless, loving saints we are,
The melting, sliding dice we've always been.

Oh my sweet Valentine....

Today was quite the day. I got up at 6:40 and ran for about 25 minutes. In case you weren't up by then, it was like below freezing. I can't say that it was a smart idea, my legs went numb as did my hands, and my lungs hurt from the cold. It took me several hours to really warm up and all the while my stomach hurt. But, it woke me up and I think it added to a good day, so I'll get up again tomorrow, but maybe stay inside and do tae-bo or something.
I love Valentines day. I got so many hugs! Everyone who gave me a hug is fantastic, and I enjoyed it. I learned that I've been missing out a lot. There's a bunch of girls who give great hugs and I didn't even know. And all these valentine cards and what not. Not to mention short classes. Fantastic day of school. To add to all of the great wonderful people who were so nice to me today, becky and I were cool today. No crappiness. I like that.
I'm eating healthier too, more fruits and veggies. This is going well, I really hope it lasts. Thanks everyone for a wonderful valentines day!

Its a winding road....

Today was another boring, not-fun day. I slept forever, sat around for even longer, and hardly got a single thing accomplished.
I want to be a morning person more than ever. I know they must get so much done and be much more accomplished than I ever have been. I want to wake up and enjoy the beauty and serenity of the early morning, I've just crapped that up by staying up to the hours I have. I'm going to really have to work on that.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do about Becky. Its true, lately when I'm around her its not fun, theres not excitement in it, and its usually awkward, or pretty silent. I do want to talk and have it go back to normal, but how am I supposed to do that when this always happens:
"Hey,"
"Hey,"
"How was your day?"
"Extremely boring, so not so great, yours?"
"It was good."
"good,"
"Andy gave me my Valentine gift"
"neat"
"It was a clock, he decorated it"
"ahhh"
"see, this isn't awkward..."
"not really nope, I'm pretty passive about it"
"oh, I'm leaving"
"you can talk more you know, what did you want to say"
"nothing, I'm going to do chem"
Yep, thats about all there is. So, I sound pretty quiet, but am I supposed to be enthusiastic about hearing about Andy everyday? And its always an abrupt goodbye. I'm tired of those. I hate bad goodbyes and thats a thing that happens a lot. So what am I supposed to do is the question. It's reasonable that she talk about Andy, but its pretty obvious I don't want to hear it, and people have to leave sometimes, but everytime? All I want is it to go back to how it was, I'm tired of all the questioning and back and forth feelings, or at least moods. One day everything is okay, the next completely the opposite. So theres that.
Don't you feel privileged knowing all about what goes on in my life? Well, here's another thought, I want to get the hell out of here. I want to move on and get on with life, High School is over, it was fun while it lasted, but now it needs to be done. I want to get to wherever my next home is going to be and start the new life out. I'm ready for it, I'm going to adjust well, and meet new great people, and start enjoying the rest of my life. I'm sure there'll be days when I miss the good ole days, but I'm excited to see where life is going to take me.
All right, thats about that. Happy Valentines day! I assume you'll be reading this my tomorrow, probably your today. I'm out.

I think i'll go home and mull this over

Today was pretty solid. I went to Portland with Elyse and we talked and looked at art in the Pearl district and such, man are people talented. I had a lot of fun and certainly will be going again, and to more galleries, we only hit like two or three. Then we ate at this Pita place, its super good and they make the biggest pita's ever. Finally we went to Starbucks and sketched people. It was strange, I felt kind of lame because I'm really not very good at all, and to sketch people in public felt like I was a big poser or something.
Then I went to Anneliese's and spent 6 hours there. Thats a long time, funny thing is only maybe 3 were with her. She left for an hour or so, and I stayed and made Valentine cards, then she came home and went to bed after an hour. So I stayed with Willy, her brother, and Jeff and we all hung out. That was a good time. Jeff and I figured out we're almost exact equals in arm wrestling, both arms.
I not sure where things stand with Becky. I feel bad about saying I don't want to be around her. But last night I wasn't happy with things, tonight, there was nothing to base except a tired hello. So pretty much I have no clue. I'm content with their dog, she's nice to me and likes to cuddle.
Another new girl talked to me on AIM. Its interesting talking to people you don't know, because of just that. You don't have to fit into your mold that's been created by all of your friends. I can be completely new and act like myself without thoughts about my stature as the nice guy. I certainly keep the title, but its refreshing to know there aren't any expectations.

I've been listening to the shins:
Gold teeth and a curse for this town were all in my mouth.
Only, i don't know how they got out, dear.
Turn me back into the pet that i was when we met.
I was happier then with no mind-set.

And if you'd 'a took to me like
A gull takes to the wind.
Well, i'd 'a jumped from my tree
And i'd a danced like the king of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.

New slang when you notice the stripes, the dirt in your fries.
Hope it's right when you die, old and bony.
Dawn breaks like a bull through the hall,
Never should have called
But my head's to the wall and i'm lonely.

And if you'd 'a took to me like
A gull takes to the wind.
Well, i'd 'a jumped from my tree
And i'd a danced like the kind of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.

God speed all the bakers at dawn may they all cut their thumbs,
And bleed into their buns 'till they melt away.

I'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find.
Without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine?
And if you'd 'a took to me like
Well i'd a danced like the queen of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.

...and everybody knows it!

As I promised, today wasn't great. I was tired all day making for a crappy schooling experience.
Afterschool things got better. I went and did yard work for my grandparents and got paid, thats always nice. Then I visited with my mom for a few hours. She's staying with them for a bit because of her CMT and such, they can help her to get to appointments and such seeing as how my dad has to work and all. So that was really nice. I love my mom. And! I solved the riddle of where I became so affectionate. It was her, because we cuddled while we talked. So, I was raised to be like that.
I might finally be getting over Becky. Things aren't fun where they're at so I really don't want to be around her. It always seems to be awkward, and if thats how its going to be its not a very good relationship. Which is funny, because the whole reason why a relationship would supposedly not work was because it'd spoil the friendship.
Then I went to a movie with Jeff and Collin and Thomas and Josh. We saw "Hitch." Super good movie. I'm pretty excited to see how good I'll do at dating. I assume poorly, but we'll see, maybe I'm a player in disguise. All I can say is I freaking love Will Smith. That guy is awesome. I've liked all of his movies and shows and such, and even music. He's an all around awesome person. I took notes, I'll be doing well for myself now, the ladies will flock. Ahh, movies bring fantasies, and I'm trying to get away from those. They can't be good, they devour your thoughts.
Nyc Hayden and I are in similar boats only I think its even worse for him. I feel bad, I wish I could make it work out for him. He's a good kid.
Also, I've written 78 blogs. Thats a lot, I'll make number 100 a big deal.

NOTICE!!!!

I changed setting so now anybody in the world can comment, it will just be annonymous, but you can sign it at the end so I know. So write all you want now.

We live in a beautiful world....

I've told you before, and I'll tell you again, I love my odd days. Tomorrow is going to suck hard, but today was fantastic.
I'm figuring out this autocad and while it takes an entire period of just sitting there and doing senseless stuff, I'm going to be making a house soon, and its going to be the best house architectural Drafting has seen. I'll tell you. Then yearbook, little kiddies came to work with dad today so I hung out with one of them. They had this Thomas the train sound book, and Weston and I were playing phat beats on it. It was cool. Speaking of Weston, so he thought I was giving him funny looks every since he started dating Anneliese, and I've noticed I have been treating him differently, which is not intentional. I don't like her anymore, so maybe its just me keeping my friends back? I don't know, but I'm going to try to make sure whatever I do is nice at least. Then came AP Gov in which Peter and I have created a perfect bill that will get passed no problem in our mach congress deal. Then came Art, the best period ever, even when I don't do very well, like today, I have a great time. Its a great class.
When I got home I didn't do much, but it was a nice day out, so I took a slow walk around for a bit. Then I took my sister to dance, and the ride home was the best. I had just dropped her off and was heading home on evergreen near the airport and you could see for miles. The sky was a beautiful color pink because it was like 6, and the mountains and trees and even the street lights, just looked amazing. I wanted to kick everyone off the road and out of Hillsboro just so I could enjoy it to myself without any distractions and have the Shins playing. It was absolutely amazing.
Then tonight it happened again! While walking home from the choir concert I saw the stars and it was nice and crisp and I just stood there, taking in the fresh air and staring at the sky. I loved it. Thursday February the 10th was a good day.

I'm not good at taking action

I've said stuff in the past blog entries that have proven to be more difficult, and not necessary. I caught myself checking the internet to see if she was on, and all this stuff that I swear I have to stop. But alas, I went to her house and "helped" with math. It seems thats the only way I get girls to want to hang out, to be a tutor of sorts. I failed with Katie because she didn't ace her test, and Becky didn't understand the stuff I was explaining all the time. So moral: I'm not fantastic at helping on homework. I am a nice guy though. I'll give myself that, I like to try to help people. And I am more than willing to spend time doing so, and try not to stop or do my best to explain it. And when people are sad I want them to let me try to make them happy. Hugs are really good things to do, so is smiling and even more hugs. Being nice to people is rewarding.
I got accepted to UO officially, big shock. That was a waste of paper on their part. I would however like to hear from the other three, thats including the UO Architecture program.
Its lent starting today, and I have given up sweets. Which is a bum deal seeing as how much I want the stuff. Its a completely personal thing, so I have no reason to complain I could change it, but I won't. I'm not going to get to share in the festivities of Valentines day candy, but you can give it to me anyways. I really like Valentines day, and it would be even better with someone to share it with. Its because I am a love machine, thats why. Its a holiday made for me. The problem is, its on a Monday, and stupid Dance Team coaches are having practice. So Jeff and my plan of taking some girls out to dinner will be thwarted. I guess we'll have to settle for sunday, but it defeats the purpose. To clarify, I wasn't planning on taking Becky, actually I was just going to take Anneliese as a friend, because she said she'd want something to do on that day. So honestly, its Jeff's plans that are thwarted, I could go to dinner with my valentine. But alas-I've said that twice in here, goo!- I am nice, so I won't. I'm going to make her a cake, and she is going to make me one. FYI: Best thing in the world is not liking a best friend so you can leave it to being best friends. Its great fun.

So let go, jump in...

Its probably one of the hardest things to figure out my feelings. I know that they are definitely there, but it just seems all jumbled and mixed. Once again, I feel like I might have over-reacted. Its all my doings, I read into things, I created the problem basically, but I don't know. Thats basically my theme for this whole deal, "I don't know" What I do know is I am feeling better, despite this whole deal, I'm feeling pretty good. I think its been getting me down for so long that I've just stopped. And I know that things are going to get better.
Music really does matter. I was listening to Death Cab for Cutie and it brought it all back. And Garden State will forever have the memories. But I won't be giving those puppies up.
Elyse and I are going into Portland on Saturday to look at Art Galleries, that'll be a blast. Then later that night Anneliese is going to join us for "Hotel Rwanda" of which I am psyched.
These odd days are the best, I don't think I can get down when I have them. I absolutely love Art. We have so many cool people its just such a great atmosphere. And so much talent! Jessica Bagley does these Characters that are amazing, they honestly look like Clip art, they are so precise. I started sketching tonight, so far its lame stuff, like robots and that sort of thing, I'm trying to get a style thats me, and I can take places. I think I've got some people-like guys that I've been drawing forever that would be pretty good. I really like to draw facial features like eyes, noses, and lips. Eyes are definitely the best, they are amazing. I did get a sweet ace picture of lips and drew a nice picture of them. So I am pleased with it, and my nose too. I drew one of each and I like them all.
Yes, lets hope these attitudes carry over for the next few days. I think this is going to be good, getting unhooked from the reigns of my affection. I'm going to hang out with more people, people I've kind of neglected as friends outside of school. They will fill any little void I have because they are all fantastic.
GOOD MOOD!

I'm like a Grapefruit....or a leaf that is turning

Today wasn't too bad at all. I did most of the homework that was due, and the stuff I didn't get done didn't affect anything. My back has been hurting ever since Friday, I want that to go away. I've been trying to pop it but it hasn't gone away.
I've got some kind of void that needs to be filled, but it can't really be. So there's that. I need to get hella busy because thinking will be the end of me. DAMIT!! I am not liking how things are working out with this crap. I've been kidding myself for months, even though I know its been there. Why?! This sucks really bad and I am giving up on everything. It's not worth it at all. So, things are going to change, I'm going to get busy, and hang out with other people and make my time enjoyable. I'm through. I will make the words of Ben Gibbard live, "She is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me"

Who needs sleep...

I do apparently. I went to bed at 2 this morning and slept in until 11. Then I got up and go ready, then tried to go back to sleep. I kind of lied there for an hour then folded clothes. Then I tried to go back to sleep and ended up taking a forty minute nap. Then more clothes to fold. Then I got on my computer and Jeff came over and we did math. Then I ate dinner. Then I came home and fell asleep until now. I've just folded another load of clothes and am being stupid by staying up, waiting for someone to get online. That's it, all of today.
Now for a dream from a few nights ago: Jeff and I bought tickets to a Radiohead concert that was going to be held at the Lindsey pool in Jackson School. I was over at their house for a bit on the day of the concert then I was driving through the neighborhood to get to Lindsey and it was all strange and the streets were in different places so I had a hard time getting there. Once I did though, I went up to the entrance where they were issuing photo ID's so I stood in line for that. While in line there was this young girl, I assumed she was 10, who was swearing at the Photo Lady, calling her basically every word there is I believe. I was standing there like, "holy cow, how can this be happening" so I said to her, "How old are you?!" she said she was 15. Then I said, "How can you being swearing like that, what are your parents doing?!" Apparently they were next to her and I looked over and the father spoke to me. He told me it was none of my f*ing business and that I need to shut my mouth. I wasn't happy but the girl left her spot and I got in. I sat down on the stool they had set up but I was too tall and my head hit the end of the tent. so I moved it out of the way but it just got in my face and made things uncomfortable and I didn't think it'd make for a good picture. Instead of doing anything the people working and the kid and her parents were standing there laughing at me saying that I should wrap the tent around my head and make a turban. I was kind of mad at them and so I tore the tent down and moved it out of my face. Then I woke up.

And the Gods opened the skies and said, "LET THERE BE ROCK!!" and so there was...

Tonight was battle of the bands. I got there at 1 and we did our soundcheck. I don't like how it was run. Jeff Bond, good man, I like him, but it sucked. Everyone got like a minute to do their soundcheck. Not time to play through there song much, and everyone but two were done by like 3ish. Then "Hope all is well" and "Rock Orchestra" played for an hour and a half. So they got to practice and have everything work out, while the rest of sat there. I like there music and all but that was crap. Everyone should have been able to play their first song and make sure its all swell.
Then came the moment to play. We, "Filibuster" went first. I thought we did alright, luckily I didn't mess it up like I pictured myself doing. But we got schooled by bands like "Royale" and those two I mentioned before. So we didn't make it to the second round, but hey, neither did 9 other bands. So it happens. The bands who did advance were plenty worthy, they did great, its just too bad we didn't get to do "where is my mind." I would have loved to, thats the best song ever. Hope all is well won. Then Royale, then Rock Orchestra. Bravo kids.
I now have a headache, but all will be okay. I talked to Ryan Kautz at the battle, and it was cool. He said he wanted me to stay here for a while and not go to college. That made me feel pretty good, I don't know if he was serious, but I'll pretend he was. I also liked being able to get up in front of a full auditorium and be comfortable doing odd stuff. Thats also a good feeling. So if having cool friends. Ones who like to hug you and such. Those types are cool, so all of you who do that, I pat you on the back, and those who don't, you're still awesome but feel free to hug away. I'm good at those.

())__CRAYOLA__))>

I am so tired of thinking of the future. I don't to anymore, not like next year future. I see how that will go and all, but I mean future future. The stuff I've been thinking about is non-sense and there is no way to work with it. Its all thoughts and I am tired of that. I just want everything to work out and I need to stop thinking so much. Keeping Busy is a good way to do such a thing. I think my "cuddling" is a drug or something. Once I hit it, I am good and "high"(spirited) for a few days then I hit low again, until I get another hit, then I'll be back. I had a hit a few days ago, now I'm low, but these hits take a long time to happen. Pretty rare. ahhh...
I took about my guitar last night, and then I replaced the strings, and I did a crappy job of that. I am really bad at it, so now I have to buy new ones and have the person at the store do it for me. Also tomorrow is the night for a Battle of massive proportions. Battle of the Bands, and I want to do well and not suck up really bad which is what I am afraid of doing. I am sure i will go up there and just get nervous and not play my part right.
I did have a good time at the library. I helped kids make chick/rooster/hen hats from paper and such. It was cool, some of the kids were really funny to listen to talk. I liked that.

So what if you catch me, where would we land?

So, today I had a good day, the best in a bit, maybe. Its close, but needless to say, I liked it. I have an incredibly easy schedule these odd days: Arch. drafting, yearbook, AP Gov, and Adv. Art. I am so glad to have this. Arch drafting is going to be sweet because we get to design a beach house and I know mine is going to be super rad. Third period Andrew Bond and I talked for a bit, he's a cool guy. Then fifth period I sat by Peter, which I always do, but we talked about other stuff and we are working on writing a bill for Congress and he's a super cool dude. I am also so excited for Art with all the talented wonderful kids in that class. Lots of my friends are in there and I like that. Everyone wants to be there and is talented. I like it.
Then I went to night on broadway and I really enjoyed that. We have some really good singers in this school and that is a neat thing. Then I went to the Uptons house and chilled with those two. Becky and I are doing much better. I've stopped thinking of her as a crush and just a normal girl I'd hang out with. While I'd still like hug her and such for a long time, I'm getting used to it and I think things are going much better.
New thought: I don't like all these girls being fake and such. I've been noticing it an increasing amount lately and all these girls do themselves up so they are plastered with make-up and fake-tanned, and all that. I don't like it, I'd rather they not, and just leave. I enjoy good company. I appreciate those people who provide it.

Masquerade! Paper faces on parade....

So I saw Phantom of the Opera tonight and I really liked it. Imagine if people sung everything in real life. First of all it wouldn't sound half as good because unlike the movies where you can cast skilled singers, real life doesn't have so many talented people. I bet you could start a colony of singing people, who don't ever talk. It'd be a big hit, everyone would want to come and visit. Also it'd be exclusive, only talented singers could live there, except me, I could anyways. And they'd have babies who also had good voices and it'd be huge, I'm telling you.
I will also tell you I have absolutely no sympathy for that Phantom; he's a creep. He has stalked this Christine character her whole entire time there, and thanks that he has the right to own her because he made her sing well. But the movie was good, and the company was good. I went with Becky, and it was comfortable and not awkward, which is all I want right now.
I'd like to shave my head, or at least make it really really short, buzz cut style. The unfortunate thing is I have a straight hairline, meaning i can't look good. Only people like Brad Pitt and Edward Norton who have Widow's peak pull it off. I'm going to cut it anyways though, just not to the point of being bald.