I have a twin

Anything that has happened today has been lost to me for not more than twenty minutes ago I found my twin, and he lives in Hillsboro. His name is Nic Meyer and he is 17 as well. I was just browsing around myspace and I found him, looked at his pictures, and started getting weirded out. It's not a common thing to run into, so you could imagine my surprise. This is him and while I wouldn't ever wear that necklace, or those wristbands, and I don't think I'm that skinny, but look at that face. Ah, I need to go to bed, Job Shadow at 6.

No name #2

I'm King at making T-shirt designs, two in two days. First Tennis pimp mac daddy shirts that will actually be sweet ace zip up hoodies, and now our Spring Tide shirts. Be impressed.
So this Prom deal is not looking good. I was so set with not having to ask anyone and not put up with, "I don't have a date....." pressures. I don't want to say no because I'll feel bad, but if I don't ask a girl its because I didn't have them in mind for going. And that doesn't mean I don't like them either, just I didn't have them in mind, so if you have a friend who says they wish someone would ask them, don't point fingers at me, let me choose, I'm the one asking in the first place.
I've been listening to Radiohead for a while now and it's been fitting well with how I'm feeling, probably actually influencing it. I think the most I've talked to someone in the past few days has been Scott at his track meet today. I've been a quiet guy listening to my music in peace. It's been pretty nice actually, no real void has emerged. Becky said to me, "hey david, we haven't talked in a long time," my reply was "yeah, I know," and I walked off. That is sign enough that that puppy is dead. So, who's doing what? I'm looking for some action perhaps on the weekends. Saturday daytime is Mach AP Gov test, but otherwise I'm probably free. I've got tennis afterschool, so thats pretty much out. As am I. If you've got a title for this, I just might change mine.

Eyes half open

Here is an example of something bad to do: Stay up until 3:30 in the morning and then expect yourself to wake up refreshed at 7:30. It won't happen. I've been so incredibly tired today I've just moved through it. I left for an orthodontist appointment at 12:30 meaning skipping the big test in AP Gov, and wasting time. The appointment was at 1, I got in, and was out by 1:04. It was rad, it left me tons of time to lounge around and enjoy the day that I normally get stolen from me.
In other news I don't have a Prom date anymore, Christine apparently won't make it back in time since its the 7th and not the 14th as I assumed. Now I've got a month to find "that" gal...
Also my brother took my razor, and seeing as how I am not cool enough to grow a full beard, all I get is mangly little hairs popping up on my chin. They need to get off but I want my Mach 3 back to do it...I'm going to go read....

Oh joyous day

Oh do I love my Ipod. Today was fantastic because of it. I listened to it the entire time I was at school and those headphones drown out all the noise without letting the foolios hear. So while I moved about I didn't have to worry about anything, or anyone. It was really awesome, like I was alone but everyone was still there, it gave me my own little world bubble. I'm very much looking forward to this new style of school living and I only wish my teachers would let me have the headphones in so I could at least hear a little bit of it. My ears have already come accustomed to the feel of the headphones and it feels like they're in right now. I'm happy with today, and I'm happy with people. It was an overall feel good day, not just mood, but physically and the works. I was happy with how I looked, happy with how I felt, and happy with how things played out.
When I got home I tried studying for a change and let me tell you, I just never realized how easy and okay it is. I didn't mind it because I actually tried and actually began to learn, I know stuff now that even though I took notes, I never processed. So cheers to today. Confidence, this will build confidence. I'm confident with myself for sure and lets just hope it continues to work out.
I've started thinking of Prom and I'm pretty sure its going to be really fun. As usual I want to have a small group, I like them more than the massive ones. So I have a somewhat plan of 8 people, four couples, coming to my house, watching movies and enjoying the company after prom, then going to bed- my bed is a queen size ladies are welcome, waking up to pancakes, eating those pancakes, driving down to the beach, and having a picnic and the works down there, playing frisbee, keeping it real. I think that'd be a pretty fun way to spend the time and

Easter Day

Usually for easter I'm up at 8 or so, getting ready to go to church, but this Easter was different. We didn't go to church, we slept in, I read and ate food, and everyone was pretty lazy. Things that were once a big deal seem to be getting less and less big, and more and more trivial. There was the Candy and card awaiting us downstairs on the Kitchen table, and the festive 2 o'clock dinner to attend at the Grandparents house, but all the childhood glamour surrounding the day has been lost. It's not a big deal though, seeing as how the holiday is supposed to be about Jesus in the first place. The church has indeed lost a lot of faith over the years, attendance for sure.
Jake and I talked more about me getting on top of things, working for what I want and not waiting for it. I want to get to it. I want to make myself workout afterschool, not necessarily with weights, just the standard; run, push-ups, sit-ups, for awhile until I get into the weights mode. I want to continue to read like I have been, I want to take the chances I might not normally do. I'd like to start branching out, as I've said. This past week I have not seen any of the Uptons, and I'm fine, and I've seen Anneliese once. Yet, I'm fine. Scott is fun to hang out with, as are other people. I'll look towards Luke and Brian more the rest of the year, Katie, Megan, and so on. If you're free, chances are I might call you soon. Ah summer will be grand. Lazy mornings are nice to have, and I'll use them, but I'd like very much to get up when the sun comes out, I've always loved sunrises. They're amazing. I'll swim. I tell you, I will do these things. And a job, I'm going to find one of those, so Tennis may be out, but alas I don't really care. Its a fun leisurely sport, and getting into it way fun, but making money is what i need to do; Germany calls, Europe Calls.
Keep tabs on me, make sure what I say I'm going to do, I do. Please.

Thats right bitches

It all sounds more important when you're listening to Enya.

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	breath taking
Your hugs are...	gentle
Your eyes...	light up a day
Your touch is...	heart warming
Your smell is...	exotic
Your smile is...	encouraging
Your love is...	everlasting
Quiz created with MemeGen!

who are you really?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
favorite style of sex	oral
your best at	kissing
your sex logo	a heart
your good in bed	yes
god put you hear for	religion
people actually do this for you...	die for you
This Quiz by gakat149 - Taken 61 Times.

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Stupid stupid cycle

I spent most of the day playing video games, more specifically, Tony Hawk Underground 2 and I came to a funny, somewhat disappointing realization; I get mad most at video games. I don't really care enough about anything else except for them it seems. I went to a Blazer game tonight and i couldn't have cared less who won, I actually was more excited about getting free food than anything. So this brings up another point Scott and I were talking about; I'm just wound differently, he gets pumped up by certain music and things, and I just kind of go with it, except it appears video games. When I can't land that special trick that will let me advance to the next level I get furious and start swearing at the console. It's pretty sad actually. I'd much rather get into a game with meaning rather than a stupid video game. For example, I played sports for years, and still do competitively, and I didn't care if I lost. When I start playing poorly I get pissed, and true that does usually lead to our defeat, I still don't care that I lost. Yet this damn video games gets me excited.
I need to change something or work something out because as I've come to realize this life is short here and I've got to make the best of it. I watched "Collateral" tonight and it kind of accented that point. I could in some ways be seen as Jaime Foxx's character where i've got these dreams and aspirations but I never move to achieve them. Most recently the girl situation for me, and just like me, his character gets a chance at a girl and kind of lets it go, doesn't put much thought into pursuing what would probably turn out to be a good thing, for whatever reason. Same here, I've got opportunities in which I could create something, yet I don't, I sit back and wait for it until its gone. I need to grow some freaking balls and get out and make it happen. Maybe I need someone to point a gun to my head to wake me up too.
This whole subject was brought up by my brother, he's been making comments on my life and stuff, giving his helpful input and it sounds good, but the fact is I still am for some reason apprehensive to do anything. I want to have a good life, to make the most of it, but I just keep sitting around waiting for something to happen instead of making it happen, and the thing is even when I realize this I still can't seem to take charge and act. I don't know what the hell needs to happen to wake up me, to make me pull my shit together, but I want it really bad. I want to be motivated, and here it is, wanting and not acting. It's a freaking vicious cycle that won't end.
It's all apparent in my weekly, even daily routine- if you can call it that. I come home sit on the computer waiting for people to come and talk to me. I hardly call people because i want them to call me. Thats freaking gay. I recognize I like my alone time but it just gets downright boring around here. I've got friends, why can't I call them. The big question is how am I supposed to fix this problem when I don't know what it is. I don't know why I'm acting like this, I know i want it to change but beyond that i have no clue what I want in life now.
A companion, I guess I want someone to be there for me, and I've got people like this, I know I do, I think I might actually want a girlfriend. All of my friends with a girlfriend/boyfriend have someone to call everynight, or see everyday, that can give them a little more than what friends can. People say they just need to realize how good their friends are, but can friends really give you the same thing?
So, question is, will I act on this?

yo nugga please

Today was really enjoyable, I enjoyed the relaxing stress free days like this. I went to Matt Haide's birthday party along with at least 20 other kids. There were tons of kids there and once again, as I've seen several times in large parties, there were little groups. Tonight's was: Drama in the kitchen, Band in the den, not so associated/who knows watching tv, and the rest eating and conversing at the table. Big groups are really strange, people act really strange in groups too.
Scott and I talked more about Germany, and I'm totally excited for it. I'm going to have a really good time with that.
I'm going to stop caring about things, not that I ever did, but even more so. It's sort of like Office Space except for it doesn't suck nearly as bad for me as it did them, but I've got to do what I've got to do, and I'll make most of the rest of it. I'm tired, can't think very much. Night.

I'm ready, are you?

Okay so inspiration has hit; my brothers pictures from New Zealand. I want so badly to get away from this craphole they call Hillsboro and experience the wonders of the world. If I could take three months and be in New Zealand, learning about the culture and having an amazing time while doing so, holy crap! I'd love that. I would love personally to study in Western Europe. Talking with my brother about all the opportunities and stuff out there for me just blows my mind. I could study abroad almost every year for at least a term while I'm at college- while getting credit- and gain experience about other people and other cultures. Then, Take a year off like after Jr. year and study in Germany, or Japan, or Argentina, and become fluent and minor in that language, then finish out my major and take a year or two off doing Peace Corps, or something similar to that, then go to Graduate school with more experience than the average person. It'd be fantastic, of course this is my brothers plan, so I'm just being a little brother and wanting to mimic it, but I'd say it sounds pretty incredible.
This summer Scott and I are planning on going to Germany, and now with my brother back I'm getting tons of good knowledge about how to go about planning it. It turns out we can live way cheap, like 20 bucks a night at hostels, not to mention his connections, so we could probably go for like a month. It'd be so amazing. Imagine a month away from everyone on our own in a foreign country living it up. Drinking age is lower so of course seeing how that is. Going to clubs, breaking out of any shells that have been keeping us back. It'd be the single most fantastic thing I can think of. I've got some jobs lining up so I can start making money on weekends and saving up so that I can afford this, but hey, I'm graduating, so I'll be making some money on that. BOO YA!
I seriously need to get the heck out of this joint. I don't know if I'll be able to last the next two and a half months here at school. I don't care anymore, scores, grades, etc. will mean nothing now that I'm decided on my school- UO, not the most difficult school around. So as I've said before, there is no reason to worry about anything in my life anymore. I've really enjoyed myself here meeting all these great people and such, and now I'm just going to be in my Goodbye phase, a nearly three month long process in which i live it up as much as possible. Oh yes, I will be leaving behind the copious amounts of people I've interacted with through my life for college and while it'll be sad that I probably won't see much of them ever again, they'll move on, and I'm sure i will too. I do have this, and AIM, and email, so its not like I'm falling off the face of the earth. Ah, this is going to be a very fun and very exciting life ahead of me. I'll become something great.

Blah blah

So the Brosef is home, and today turned out pretty well. I woke up feeling better and jeremy and I went out and skateboarded. I really need to learn how to ollie while moving. I tried for at least an hour but to no avail, so perhaps I will ask Lukey Luke for some assistance. Once i get this ollie down i'll be cruisin. I've asked my family for a longboard, or a regular skateboard for my birthday, so we'll see what comes up. I've also been considering applying for "MADE" on MTV. That way I could get all the teaching and gear for free, and get really good in a short amount of time. I think that'd be the best, but who knows how that'd turn out. I doubt I'd get it.
This whole relaxing thing is going really well, it definitely adds to my not wanting to go back to school. I don't even want to talk, I'm out.

Fiend

I'm now a reading fiend, I've been reading Angels and demons for like three or four days now and I'm nearly done. I've been reading forever these days, stopping only to adore my lovely new Ipod and put music into it, as well as eat and watch a bit of tv.
I am also working on my skateboard skills. I spent a good hour of today trying my best to perfect an ollie. While I did it standing still I haven't been able to get it while moving, but I tell you, by the end of the summer I will have it nailed.
I'm getting sick...poop on that. My whole body aches right and I have a giant head-ache, night time for me, or at least, reading time. Then Bed.

We'll go on vacation tonight

Today we presented our video for English and that turned out really well. In Leadership we talked about dance team, and in math I don't even know..I haven't been paying attention for the past few weeks.
Our video went well, quite well, people liked it. Today after school I came home and did basically nothing. I did read, I've been reading "Angels and Demons" the prequel to "the Da Vinci Code." The author throws so many cliffhangers at you its ridiculous, he brings up information without giving details so all you know is that there is something there, but not what it is, its very good for making you want to read, not to mention the content is good. Apparently the Catholic church has just recently denounced "the Da Vinci Code." Oh well, they make up lots of stupid rules I choose not to follow. They say its not good to read it for all these reasons and that if you do you're a bad person, F that.
I've also been listening to music. I've been a rut of going like Mars Volta, U.S.E, then Coldplay. I need to mix in some new ones. I've got so much, I ought to just listen to it all. But right now I'm hecka tired and I've got these strange feelings. Nothing I can convey because i don't know what they are, but this Nada Surf I'm playing now is giving me thoughts and I don't know where they're going. Strange.

WTF???

Talk about disappointment. The girls of our dance team will have the worst next few days trying to explain to the dumb kids who pester them about tonight. So what happened?
There were 9 performances tonight for the big show, this biatch lasted forever and was incredibly boring, but alas there were several good shows. Our Hotel California routine ran incredibly smoothly and looked amazing. We had great formations and it all went well. Then others came, let me first talk about the ones I didn't like. Okay, Dance Teams need to take heed of this advice: NEVER EVER USE MONOLOGUES!! Like 3 teams had people talking during the song and it just sucked.
I'd like to highlight the fact that Clackamas had moulin rouge stuff and it was impressive, but they were all whores. As Brian said, "How can we expect to beat a team of softcore porn?" The answer is we can't. They did have some amazing things, but it was lots of gymnastics and stuff, not dancing.
Then there was a freaking ball team. They used balls and rolled them and a girl in a ball rolled out, and freaking a, one person even lost her ball and had to run away to get it, yet they placed higher than us? COME ON!!!
Park Rose had a really neat one, the were like all robots or something and it was good. I can't really say much bad about it, I liked it. But here's the thing, we've beat them at the Tigard and the other one, same with clackamas, so I'd imagine we'd have won, stupid judges.
Then there is the winning Rex Putnam who did have a great show but I didn't get it. I mean it was summertime, but there dances didn't really flow it was just, here's something that looks nice, and heres another. The set was pretty and I liked it, but I didn't think it was first.

I thought it'd be:
1-Clackamas
2-Parkrose
3- Glencoe
the rest don't matter...

but who'd have guessed:
1-Rex Putnam
2- Parkrose
3-Clackamas
4-Barlow (WTF?!!!)
5- Glencoe

So very upsetting. I feel obligated to give every dance team girl a huge hug tomorrow. They worked their butts off for this and it didn't work out for them. I'm starving, I haven't eaten since like 2.

Little Charlie Chaplin Man....

Today was alright, I still dislike math, but I am liking Mr. Roofner more. I never disliked him, although I am not terribly fond of his teaching style, but he's a cool cool dude. Firslty, he is apparently incredibly strong; you can't ever see it because he wears loose dress shirts to school, but Mr. Ferris was talking about him the other day, and apparently he hasn't changed and thinks he can do 50 push-ups on the spot. Secondly, he's led an interesting life, he's mormon and so he's been on his mission to Africa, and he's been incredibly good at sports as well. I think when I look at him from a normal person standpoint rather than a teacher he really impresses me.
I cranked out my promotions project last night and so I turned that biatch in today and I plan on getting an A on it, silly Monnier, oblivious to my habits. Although these teachers of mine get together and talk all the time it appears. She said she was approached by Powell and he asked about me. It's super weird. Monnier is a pretty cool person too, sure she can be strict, but she likes me and so she's super nice and I don't mind the strict part. When she isn't strict, which is majority around me, she's a neat person too, and very helpful and neat. I'd say I've lucked out on teachers these past four years, not many crappy ones- FURSTENBURG...stupid little woman.
Now we hit the pinnacle of the school day, English. Scott and I dressed down into our almost nothing outfits for our presentation in English. I had a pair of stretchy boyshorts on, so those girls who know, they were super small but not entirely uncomfortable. I had a robe on while I walked around the school(I changed in the locker room so had to walk up to Powell's room) and everyone gave Scott and I funny looks. Most of them believed we truly were naked under them, fools. So we get to class and take off the robes and hold the signs in front of us to cover the little clothing we have on, so it looks like we're naked, and people didn't know how to react. I got super hot being up there so I don't think i could pass as a nude model, if I stayed up there for a long time in a pose I'd probably start sweating profusely. So while Angel read the poem, she opted out of being naked with us, everyone was looking at us all funny and when she was done people were slow to clap, I think they were all in shock that we were de-clothed. Anywho, Scott is a beast and people told him to stop flexing, he then replied with, "I'm not" proving how buff he is; I just stood there looking all tall and lanky. It was interesting though, I didn't really mind being under-dressed, its not a big deal.
Afterschool was the shiznit, Luke and Brian and I worked on our project. We actually probably spent more time looking for ways to get the video onto the computer than actually editing. The stupid firewire cables and USB are different, and perform different functions and don't mingle well, and some programs can't take one or the other, so it was a big mess. But when we did start to edit, my goodness, our movie is so neat. The music and video mix super well, and we're going to make super sweet credits tomorrow. I'm excited very much to present it to Powell, he'll piss his pants I'm sure.
I'm not thinking of anything serious right now. I'm ready for Friday to begin and then Spring Break. It's going to be great, life is going well.

I win

I've just completed my promotions project for Leadership which proves that while being in High School, procrastinating is not a problem. We are never given hard homework, if it were difficult, I shouldn't be able to crank out such a large project in a few short hours. I'm feeling pretty good about this. I don't ever need to worry about homework again. I can get it done no problemo.
In other news, we shot our bomb-ass video today, and Brian says we can play it in reverse so it will be awesome. And our music is so very cool. Luke recorded it, and I don't even care who he ripped off, it's super good, and therefore doesn't even matter. All that matters is we are going to destroy everyone else's project with ours. We're going to edit it all tomorrow during 8th period and then we should be set. Also tomorrow I will be posing semi-nude for English. Yes, that's right, Angel is reading a poem entitled, "Naked and Nude" and Scott and I will be modeling the two. I will be playing nude, and will be wearing almost nothing but a sign that says "NUDE" ladies beware, my incredibly soft tanned skin my make you faint, it's even been known to excite the men, but don't worry it won't be for long.
For those who aren't aware, I'm not really like that, conceited that is. I kid all the time, but I don't ever mean it, in fact I'd say I will look goofy tomorrow because I'm so tall and lanky. However, I will get buff one of these days.
I'm so very excited for summer to begin and for the long warm days to start. No more cares or worries, only friends and the sun to light my days. Ooh and those late nights where you can stay up well past sunset and the air is still warm and humid, I love that. And the stars are always so bright, man I love summer. I would like to learn to skate, or at least try it multiple times this summer, and re-learn the constellations. That'll be super...

Sometimes i think this cycle never ends...

Luke, Brian, and I are going to make a bomb-ass video tomorrow afternoon- if it works. Our whole concept is based on our ability to play our video in reverse, and if we can't do that, we're absolutely screwed. Lets hope we find someone with a good editing program, anyone you know would be nice. Brian seems to have confidence in this Adobe deal, so lets keep our fingers crossed. So anyways, our video is going to be a long scene of a kid writing a poem and then going to perform it, and Luke and Brian will have hammered out the music which will be the poem in lyrical form, and I'll play the kid. I'm going to wear a suit, or at least look sweet ace, and its going to be awesome because its going to be backwards. So I'll be peddling backwards! and a crumbled piece of paper will fly over my shoulder and into my hands! Like I said, bomb-ass!
Tennis is fun again, matches always are, I was missing B.D. for not being able to be there, but when he gets back, we'll whoop those 2nd doubles. Oh yeah, it will be good fun, and pretty soon I'll have my Ipod to keep me company on the court while I wait an hour to freaking play. Goodlord, not only was my match forever, three sets, but it took forever for me to get to play.
Today's feeling pretty good. The sun is definitely good, and my energy was up, I had a goodnights sleep with three remembered dreams. They were interesting. The first two were connected, possibly even one, they seemed to be separate though..Anyway, the first was a little strange, I was watching a video with Will Smith and some other famous guy I can't recall and two hot famous actresses. It was almost like I was there, but this movie was a strange one. Part comedy part action, part nudity deal. Like they had sex scenes and stuff; I think my reading of Brave New World influenced that one. Orgy Porgy. Super strange. Then the second was me and some faceless girl taking notes from the movie and doing stuff. I'm not embarrassed, I'm a boy, it happens, sorry if it's too much detail, but I like to remember dreams and now I can. Third was totally different. I was walking home with Elyse Gambino, and for some strange reason my house was huge, our garage was four houses down from where it is now, and our entrance was where it is now, so super wide house. Anywho, my mom was in the garage getting out of the car, and she was having a hard time so I carried her out, and thats got to be because I want her to come home. She's been gone forever it seems, but soon! Friday she'll be back. It'll be so nice to see her again. Yeah, so anyways, Elyse was like, "Oh how sweet" and I felt good about that. So what a way to wake up in the morning, my dreams were good, therefore my day was good. Sounds like a plan.

It is on! I can feel it, come on.

Today was such a wonderfully nice day outside. I thoroughly enjoyed the sun, I mowed my grandparents lawn and played Frisbee golf.
The rest of the day I've spent here, being bored to crap. I've been sitting looking at things over and over again, checking out what other people were doing and trying to get some homework done, to no success.
Jeff and I were talking about the future and just the fact that we don't want to get stuck into a routine in life and never experience anything else. I want to get out into this large world of ours- I noticed this last night when I was looking at the stars too- and do stuff. I don't want to be stuck in a job that won't let me do something neat. I certainly am going to have to travel, a lot. Get experience, try new things and see how they work. I want to learn lots of useful skills, something that is killing me about school. I don't think I'm learning anything of value there anymore, or ever was. Ugh, back to school tomorrow, where I haven't done an ounce of homework for over a week. Fantastic job on my part, I need to get away. The days are so sunny and nice and deserve to be used. I want to play golf, and frisbee, and swim, and just lounge in the sun reading a good book. Oh how i wish it were June 11th.

Look at the stars...

Today was pretty good. Megan and I went to Portland at 3 and didn't get back until about 11:30, and that was neat.
We first went to the galleries. I liked the first ones we saw the most, the ones we saw later on just didn't seem to be as neat, personally. For example, we went to this really strange one that was mostly photographs, and it was so weird. It was one of those where people take pictures of what they think is neat, but mostly its not. Like they had tons of naked people photographs, and not like artsy naked, unattractive not neat naked- definitely not cool. And they had some disturbing photos, of the over 100 pictures, there were maybe 5 we found that we really liked. The other galleries we went to we liked though. There was an artist Mona Cordell, that I liked a lot. It was mixed media stuff, paint and pencil mostly. She drew a lot of dancers, and in one, she adds an Elephant in with pencil, and more paint, and you'd have to see it, but its really neat.
Before dinner we walked around a for a bit, just checking out the pearl district area, seeing cool places and what-not. It was during this time I showed my excellent ability of being a good date and ran across the street leaving Megan behind as a car approached. Oh yes, I am good. Then we went to the Blue Hour for dinner. It was a neat little place and I enjoyed it there, plus the food was pretty good. We had found a little gelato place on our pre-dinner walk, so we went there after dinner and that was very tasty. I've been exceptional with my Lent sacrifices this year, simply amazing. Anywho, then we walked back, and drove home.
We decided it was early and we didn't need to be back so we drove around looking for things to do. Upon coming up empty handed, we went to Mountaindale and looked at the stars. Wow are they amazing. You could see so many it was incredible, and unfortunately I didn't pay attention in astronomy so I had forgotten most of the constellations. But whatever, it was alright, we sat on my car and listened to CD's and talked and star-gazed. It was good.
I enjoyed myself and it was neat because it didn't feel like a date. While I don't know what a date feels like, it was more like two friends went out and had a good time. Super cool. But I'm also not fantastic at reading other people's thoughts, so who knows how it went on the opposite side of things.

I've been waiting for so long...

I believe a job in the construction business would be a worthwhile start. Scott Heter and I ought to do that when we go off to college. Make some good enough money, work hard, get tanned and strong, and then gain a bunch of experience.
Today was such a nice day, the weather was fantastic, and I wanted to stay outside. During Art I went out to the courtyard and enjoyed the sunshine, I just need shorts and a pool. I don't even know these days. What the heck does David Zavertnik want? Here is what I want: I want to be in a tropical region, or even here, but with nice tennis courts, and I want to play tennis. Anneliese is the opponent in mind, not really opponent, but friend to play with me. We'd then lounge in the beautiful sun and I'd have a an Ipod, and it'd turn to dusk, and I'd go into a large large pool with a diving board, then I'd take a midnight stroll, Ipod in hand, down the beach, or if it were here, street. Ah yeah, basically I want Mexico back. Oh dang, I freaking loved it there. And, for the most part, I didn't have much to think about there. I want so badly to be there, Gala Resort, thank you.
I'm going to buy an Ipod this weekend, a 40GB one. It's about time I had something handy. My sister and I will each get one. It'll be rad, we can be cool like all the other kids at school. And I can have an excuse not to pay attention in class. And I'll play it low enough to say I just like how the earphones feel in my ears, and that I'm not listening to music, no one will refute it.
So here's the Becky part, it must get tiresome reading about my problems with her, but its here, so I'll talk about it. I don't even think I like her anymore, she hasn't given much to allow me to. But the thing I do want is us to be friends and her not to act so weird around me. No more freaking hey I see you, now I'll turn the other way, I like getting hugs, come up to me and give me one. I am not going to hold my arms up for people anymore. Come to me. Thats what I want, just to be able to talk, and really it hasn't happened. Today we attempted, then it stopped. Reasons all the same, I got tired of it.
Now onto more pleasant things, Megan Inayoshi and I are going to Art Galleries and Dinner Saturday by ourselves as the events have unfolded and certain people can't join in. I will say this, I'll have a good time, hopefully she will too. It feels like with all this planning and such I'm blowing it up to be the big event of the year, and while I'm excited I don't want to blow it up. I want it to be what it is. So this is all I will speak of it, for it will shouldn't be uncharacteristic to go on a date. The end.

Here comes the sun....

So the sun was out today, but all of my stupid teachers made me stay inside. I asked all of them to go out and enjoy the beautiful weather while it lasts and they all said no. What fools. Towards the end of StuCo however, I was allowed outside and that was super nice, the weather was absolutely amazing. Then when I walked home, even better.
I came back 8th period to play tennis, but instead played Ultimate Frisbee with Jeff, Scott, Matt, Justin, and Wes. That was a ton of fun, but super hard work, it takes a lot to play that puppy. Then came tennis, which was fun, Brian is there and now we'll start playing together. If we don't, which wouldn't make sense, I've only told the coach I wanted to play with him all year, I'll be pissed. We work well together, like today, we beat tons of other kids with our great doubles skills. He has his wondrous full strokes and I play net and slam the ball into other kids faces, perfect combo.
The best part of today came at around 6:30. I took a long bath with the lights out except a few candles, and Damien Rice playing. It was extremely enjoyable minus the fact my tub is too small. Its only like 4 feet or less long, meaning I either have my legs in and torso out, or my torso in and legs pretty much out. It was hard to get really comfortable, but it gave me a chance to unwind and stop thinking, I just layed there like a blob and thought of nothing. It really cleared my head, especially about girls. Without thinking about them it's easier. Well about her. I did think of Megan I. and my date coming up. I really excited for it and I think it will be super fun. We'll go into Portland, look at some galleries and stroll through the sunlit streets, then grab a bite to eat at a nice restaurant around there. Then, depending on what time it is, we could probably go take a stroll in a park since sunny days= super clear star viewings. I love those stars up there, I could look at them forever, and the cool crisp air that is always around in the evening, it'd be great. Yep, this is going to be awesome.

Floating....

I feel as though I'm floating through life these days. Nothing is greatly impacting me or leaving a mark in my day. I enjoyed my classes somewhat more today because I could perform the jobs well. I made a pretty good face for my self portrait of which I am finally semi-pleased with. Granted, it still needs work, but its much better than before, I had such good colors, most of which will be lost to me by Thursday. That is one difficult thing about painting in an hour and a half time frame, you lose your previous drive or inspiration's, and even if you get it back, it will have changed.
I'd say today I've felt competent, an important feature to have a good day. I could, for the most part do things well. I hit good shots in tennis, although my opponent today was much lower in skill level causing me to sink to his awkward shots and angles The warm weather beckoned me to leave and go elsewhere. I wanted so badly to go on a walk at a park, or a long drive with the windows down, lady on arm of course. Ha! There it goes again folks. I want vacation so I can roam the land. Tonight, after the poetry jam, a lovely event I'm glad I went to. Poor Mr. Ferris, I gave him a hug, I felt bad for him. Anywho, I was walking around in my flip-flops and jeans and great Los Gatos T-shirt, the cool air in my face and the bright stars overhead. I took off my flip flops and walked the rest of the way home. The cool pavement felt so good under my feet and I wanted so badly to take an extended walk, perhaps this time with music. I could definitely substitute one for the other. I wish I had an Ipod. It'd make life simpler, no CD's to carry.
This whole poetry deal, student poetry that is, of which I can understand and read into, makes me see the art in life. I've been thinking of poetry all night, and written a few poems myself. One about Fluffy the dog, remember him? I posted a picture of him in February. Look at it and here's the poem.

Fluffy is a Saint Bernard,
Similar to other pups of his kind,
He is small, cute, and cuddly.
However there is one thing,
That separates him from the others.

For as each day goes by,
And his friends lay around,
Dreaming of big bones and treats,
Fluffy reflects on world domination,
He is, after all, the destroyer of worlds.

While teething on bones he ponders,
What method is best for his siege,
Is it a bomb, a ray gun, or mind tricks?
Is it possible to truly deceive?
He is, after all, just a puppy.

No trick he may do,
No game he may play,
Could ever hint to the wiser,
No one would know,
That this little pup,
Is that of a world demiser.

Page of concrete....

I didn't enjoy school today, but who can expect to. I just didn't enjoy any of these classes I have, finding out I have a 'C' again in English sucks. I've done the freaking work, moved locations, done what he said, and still I suck at it. I don't get these freaking poems. I completely misread my poem for my test and so I got a four on it, that's a bad score for it, so that gave me like a D I bet, something terrible.
I need something new, something to look forward to again. The new classes have lost their touch, even Art isn't motive to be in school. Tennis hasn't been incredibly fun, all I want to do is play games against kids. I don't want to do these absolutely retarded drills and ridiculous training drills. Yoga was nice, I do look forward to that. It's such a relaxing thing, I really should do it everyday, and in the morning. It really revamps me, clears my head and makes me ready for more of the day.
I'm listing to The Mars Volta now. They're unique and I like it. I really enjoy the vocals over the rest of the stuff. Brian will be burning me a copy of the new one, in exchange for Damien Rice, of whom I've stopped listening to. It will be good for me, at least in the short run.
I t was really weird. My mood today. I felt strange, completely out of place. I definitely didn't want to be there. So Anneliese got accepted to Amherst, meaning she'll be moving across the country for college, leaving me in Oregon. Wonder if we'll stay in touch. It kind of hit me today what it means to leave people behind, referring back to my 95% comment. I wonder if I'll forget people I know now, that was kind of a sad thought today. I was picturing a few key people. Forgetting them was pretty depressing, but a complete possibility until I look in an old yearbook and remember some memories of the good ole days.
I could use someone to hold, looks like the pillow will have to do.

Clean, clean, clean

I guess I like to be clean, at least in the long run. I get messy everyweek, not seriously messy, a few articles of clothing here, a few there, some papers on my desk in a jumble, unkempt bed. That sort of thing, but by the weekend I clean it all. Myself too, I maintain the body on the weekends. Clip nails, shave, super long teeth cleansing, and the like. I like to be well kept.
I say this because I cleaned Jeff's room today with his dad for his birthday present. Weird present I guess, but he needed it. His room is so big and he could make tons of use of the space, but its incredibly cluttered because he's a pretty big packrat. But we took care of it. He was supposed to take part, but he got distracted with the Bertelsons. Oh well, thats fair. It was his birthday by the way, ff you didn't pick that up. He's 18 meaning he can do several things: vote, smoke cigs(legally) and cigars, buy lottery tickets, rent a hotel room, buy porn. All of that good stuff. Funny thing is, it's all useless to him. He doesn't need any of those privileges because he won't do them. The only thing he'd use is a hotel room maybe. I'd like that privilege, go to the beach, spend the night, parents willing of course.
I want to cuddle really bad. I want to lay down on my bed and have a girl with me, laying her head on my chest while we watch a movie on my sweet ace tv. I've been talking a lot about what I want and trying to figure it out. And I think by dating, not going out, I'll figure stuff out. Megan I. and I are going to go out on a date, and that will be fun. She's already a friend, but not one of those best friends where I tend to mess things up with, so by going on a date, we'll be able to hang out, see how things go and go from there. If we turn out friends good, if we think we might want to date more, even better. So I think I just ought to start going on dates, and so I better get a job to afford this. It'll be a cool thing.
I have tons of thoughts but none of them are clear, I don't know why I think about relationships so much. I need to clear my head. I'm going to bed.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

This morning and afternoon was all about the Scottizzle. We hung out from about 10:30, when we went to harefield to meet up with Girls LAX, until 5:30. The big thing that came up was Germany. I want to go so badly and now its really working it's way to happening. We're going to go, and maybe even go to Canada during the summer as well. I'm so excited. I need a job now. I have to make tons of money up until mid-August when the money comes in. Tickets are going to be spendy, and then there is the fact that I'll want to spend a lot there, but mostly for transportation.
Then I played ultimate Wingman. I helped Scott with his date with Hannah, and took David out with me to O'Briens for the dance team raffle. At first it seemed reminiscent of babysitting, but David's a cool guy. So it was more like hanging out. I enjoyed it, and it was definitely like taking a friend out because I was worried that he'd be bored, or not be entertained, so that was neat. I didn't win the freaking raffle though. Seriously, I did buy 5 tickets, sure people bought hundreds, but damn I deserved to be lucky and win the Ipod. What sort of luck does it take to win like that? And why do certain people have that luck? Am I a bad person or something, and God smites me by not allowing me to win these fantastic things? I care for people, I'm a good kid, I deserve to win something cool. Megan Nuttal and I are going to start a club for nice people to give them rewards so they feel good. It's what they need. Nice people shouldn't finish last. They should finish first and most importantly get cool gifts.
I miss my mom. She's been with my Grandparents working on feeling better with Fibromyalgia and CMT for over a month. Thats a long time to have her away. I know college and all this will be even longer, but for now it's a big deal. I really love her and my dad. They're amazing people, people I take for granted constantly. They give me so much opportunity and love and support its ridiculous. I honestly don't think I can give enough praise to them. It seems so stupid that i complain for them asking for help, with all that they've given me. It even seems selfish. I feel like crap thinking back to how mad I'd get at them, almost sick, so disrespectful and underappreciative. Pretty much, I'm realizing how much I love them, and how well they've raised me. I think I've turned out pretty well myself. For instance, I'm a clean person, in fact, I find myself cleaning my friends houses, especially kitchens for some reason, but thats thanks to my dad. It's a good habit, clean and organized is good, and its because of him. And I'm a pretty compassionate caring person, and my mom has taught me lots of that. Such great people...

Sidenote: Leaving your name for a comment is great. I'd like to know who to thank for the encouraging words.

Girls, girls, girls....101

So tonight was a prime example of what a girlfriend would offer me; someone to do something with. Now Scott and I cruised, which was fun, but we didn't know what to do, normally we go somewhere, but today we literally cruised for the two and a half hours. It was fun, but the stars were oh so bright and I'd have loved, as would he, to have been snuggling with a girl- in his case Hannah- under the stars. So we talked about girls.
I don't know what the hell I want. It appears my motives behind girls are not the same as other guys in school. The thought of having sex with anyone at school didn't even register as a reason to get into a relationship, nor did it even cross my mind that once in a relationship I'd ever get to that point. I'm not in the least bit ready for anything physical like that. So the question is, if I want to date someone, how do I go about it? It appears my making friends with girls, finding out how great they are, then liking them doesn't ever work. So I need to get into something with a less-known friend/acquaintance. Now the question is with whom? All of the girls who fit into that category I don't picture myself dating. Some of the ones I think of as physically attractive aren't my type and wouldn't be good matches. And others I've never thought to want a relationship.
I don't know what to do. I need a girl who is a lot like me. Where we'd mesh extremely well and wants what I want. But wait, I don't know what i want, thats a problem. What the heck is a girlfriend anyways? Is it just a title? As I've heard it means you've got the friendship connection and then there is the physical part that separates it from normal friends. But I can't picture myself kissing any of these girls, or any in general. All I seem to want is cuddling, and lots of that. But it appears that friends can sort of do that, some times, good times. So why did I want to mess up those friendships by saying I wanted a relationship? What more would it give me? All I had to ask is if they loved me then, right? Because if I don't want anything physical past cuddling, and just want to be loved, and cared for, then friends can cover that. Yet, I didn't feel friends were enough, so I don't know. And I thought girls were messed up.
Well, maybe I'd like to be kissed. I don't think I want to make any moves. I want them to initiate them, and thats not going to happen. If a girl came up to me and said, "I love you David" and then kissed me, I'd be pretty happy. Unless it was someone I didn't know. I absolutely suck as making moves. In fact, if anyone likes me right now, which I don't think, but if they do, I'm not aware. I'm very clueless, I like to imagine all the girls like me, but thats sure not to be the case. And if I did know I don't know how I'd react, but I probably don't have the same feelings because I'm caught up in this stupid mess. Thats unfair, I want these girls I like to stop liking who they do, and like me, yet if I were in their shoes, I couldn't. I'm a hypocrite. I can't do this anymore, I'm going to sleep. I need to straighten this crap out.
Side note, this is my 101st blog. I missed numero one hundred because my stupid profile isn't counting them right, so I have to count them, and the best way to do that is to display 50 at a time. So now I'm on my third page of 50's, making this 101. Thats pretty neat. I got interviewed for this beast today as well. Thats right, 101 different entries, plenty of great bathroom reading, I ought to compile all of these sometime and make a book. YEAH! That'd sell I'm sure.

I'll move surreptitiously...

Today was an incredibly passive day, most all of school was spent with me doing little to nothing but actually staying to the end. I didn't leave during classes, or take extended breaks, which was odd. I just kind of moved through things in a slow, but steady fashion.
I officially suck ass at tennis. I've lost my past three challenge matches to people I am better than. Funny how that works. I know I can beat them, I've got skill, I just don't use it. I move slowly, or hardly at all, take extended strokes and just kind of play passively. That's part of the problem. I can't get passionate to try. If I tried I'd kick everyone's ass, or at least be high up there. But i don't, so I'm not. I really need to find a way to get motivated because I get upset when I don't beat these guys, but they've tried a lot harder to win so they deserve it.
Tonight was alright, I studied math, and got most all of my answers wrong. Thats always fantastic. Luckily I had some people there to correct me and now after correcting them all I've gotten the right answers. Math is so hard right now and I don't understand it. I haven't understood it in so long and the thing is, its pointless, I'll never use this again, so is it worth taking? I don't know, I sort of doubt it. It'll count as college credit, hopefully, but I don't know if I'll be able to pass the test. I've honestly forgotten about all there is to know.
Megan and I were talking about cheating and stuff, and being a push over and being walked all over, and it further strengthens my point that I allow myself to be walked on by people. I let people do stuff that hurts me, and don't mention it. I'm going to grow up to be the guy at the office who everyone can shove their work onto. I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet. I'm incredibly easy to be swayed and so people to work me like a puppet. It's not great. I can't be firm, but I really need to be. It's not good to be a pushover, and getting walked on just builds up inside and one day here I'll explode if someone goes too far. I can't just say my being a nice guy makes me this way, I could be a nice guy and be firm, I think.
I'm going to get interviewed for this puppy. It appears newspaper is doing something on web blogs, and they want to interview me. Thats pretty cool, I'm not going to give my address out, only you select few will be able to read it. Who even knows how it will work, but its kind of neat they know I have one.
Some things are overplayed. I'd say I'm officially sick of hearing the word "rock" as an adjective. It played its course, and can still be used in instances like, "that will rock" but when it's used otherwise I'll cringe. It peaked a while back and now I feel it ought to die out. It's just used too often, I think. Also, Napoleon Dynamite, funny movie, but I'm actually tired of people quoting it. For the first month or two afterwards its chill, and even a bit after it came out on video, but that too has lost importance to me. I'm ready to leave that in the past. I don't know why I feel like that, but I do. Also, lots of people are going head over heels for this new Jack Johnson CD. I've never gotten onto that bandwagon, the Jack Johnson one. I grew tired of hearing his songs quite a bit ago. Sure he's talented, but I just have never latched onto it the way people have at School. Damien Rice though, I love that guy, but with the advice given and my own realization i haven't listened to it for two days. Instead it's been Kanye West, the one rapper I enjoy hearing. I've got his CD and I really like it. It's really funny and fun to bump to. Of course it swears but swearing has lost its shock to me. People can swear all they want. Its not bad, its just a choice. I respect people's wanting to not hear it, and thats alright, and it's also alright for people who choose to do it. They are just words, adjectives. They help bring importance into a sentence, show anger, joy, sorrow, just about it all. I'd say its more appropriate for a negative connotation, but I guess it works for positive ones as well. Anywho, I'm not quite tired so I'm just going to lay in my bed and hope I fall asleep. Its late.

I wanna know whats its like on the inside of Love......

So this morning I straightened my hair; big hit. I really enjoyed walking down the halls and watching my friends/acquaintances give me a really empty stare like they don't recognize me, and for the most part they didn't. It was neat to have that hair. Felt like a beanie, sort of got in my eyes, but people seemed to enjoy it, so this further makes me wish my hair was straight rather than curly. I've taken a shower so it's back to curls.
Tennis was wet. It was raining so the courts sucked, and I sucked, so I lost against a kid named Noel. Pitiful. I sucked.
Yoga was so very hard today. Our positions were super strenuous and I had a very difficult time doing them, but it was rewarding because afterwords it felt great. Jeff and I played Basketball then Squash, then when Heidi had finished her workout we all three played Horse, rather, CAT. I enjoyed that, fun kids.
Also today we found our ticket price for prom was going to be $22. Now I don't mind, I know Prom is the big shiznit so I'm fine with the price, but I was telling Luke about it and Patrick overheard. Then he proceeded to chew me out. I didn't get it, and quite frankly I didn't enjoy it. He was telling me that I am not allowed to tell people until they announce it, which doesn't matter. He said he didn't want people chewing him out, but the thing is, he's not responsible. He is not the Senior Class, there are multiple members, so there is no reason for him to get anything. Senior class as a whole decided it, and because of costs it had to be higher. Then he proceeded to say it should have been 25, but they made it 22, and that is Bull. I was there, they were going to have it be 20, and 22 sounds less only beaus it's less than 25 and 20 seems like a lot because its a flat rate. It's all psychological, don't ask me, but it works like that. So I didn't appreciate that. Overall I was upset he took offense to me saying it, it wasn't a big deal in the least but it was made out to be. And if you have a problem with it being $22, too bad, its Prom, get it together. And if I let a secret out, its not a big deal because it's advertising smarts, they're smart for doing what they are.
It is now that i make a plug for cpt. Anonymous. I don't know who you are, I have a slight idea, but anywho, thanks. And thank you the rest of you people who bother to read this. I like all of your comments and its fun to hear what you guys think about what I think. I hope I'm not too boring or over obsessed with my love life. And for right now I have no real thoughts.
I don't get poetry and only wish I could, or at least write quality poetry myself. It's an amazing thing, poetry, but only when I get it.
Oh, Jeff and I talked today about girls and such. We talked about these people who are very open about their actions and whatever it is called, and we both have come to the conclusion we admire the honesty our friends have about themselves. I like that I can hear them speak about their smoking pot. Not that i like they do it, I don't, but I really respect their ability to say it out loud without being ashamed. We also talked about girls and their appeals. We've realized that what I find to be appealing might not be for him, and so on. So if I think a girl isn't attractive it doesn't mean they aren't, for my tastes they just don't work. I hate how easily people may been seen as shallow for saying a person isn't attractive to them. Now granted some kids are cruel and deserve the title, but otherwise, everyone can say they don't find someone attractive, and it doesn't make you a bad person.
I have no good thoughts so I'm leaving.

Just cuddle with me...

Tonight was an incredible evening. Scott and I went cruising again. We went to Cold Stone where I quite lent and had a fantastic ice cream mixture. Then we talked about Evolution, he and his AP Biology class are currently discussing it, and it's super interesting to think about.
It's interesting to think just how different life is when you look at it in different perspectives. Apparently the whale was actually a land creature related to the Elephant. Then it found it could do better in water, and adapted. The strong more adapted bred and created even more well adapted ones until they got to the whales we have now. It's really a tester of faith -this whole evolution thing- and I'm finding as far as faith goes, I'm severely lacking. I want to believe there is something out there because without it life would suck. I don't want to think I've got 80 years here then I'm done, and done for good. My thoughts will cease to exist, and its almost like I never did. I want to be living in one way or another and that's where this faith comes in. I need to be a stronger believer that something truly is out there. I think I was born such that I am very analytical and that makes this tough. I want evidence it exists. Not someone telling me they think it does, but actually seeing it. This won't happen, it's just not possible and that's why its called faith, not truth. I think I'll get to the point where I have it, but now in my experimental phase of life, it's just not working out.
Then we went to Hannah's house. The three of us just hung out in her room and listened to Damien Rice. If I were the crying type I'd have broken out into tears during that. I really felt like I could have. I wanted Hannah and Scott to have their time with each other, I don't know if its like me trying to live vicariously through them, but I wanted them to be able to cuddle and me not impede. Anywho, they had their time, and it looked sweet. He was laying down and she was cuddled right beside him with her head on his chest. That's my favorite, although I rarely ever get it. Sitting and cuddling is great, but when you're both laying down it's just even more than that, its amazing. I love it so much. So I layed next to her Giant Orca. It was soft and much like a large dog; fuzzy, soft, and large enough to be comfortable with. I laid there listening to each word being sung and it was absolutely amazing. It's such an emotional CD and makes me weak. I feel awfully strange admitting it, but this music is something. I can't being to tell you how it affects me. It's probably not wise for me to do, actually. I lay there in the dark thinking of all this stuff that I shouldn't. Becky pops into my head and I want her out. It's not healthy, but I really can't help it. I recognize I need to move on, but I'm stuck on her and these songs basically sum up what I feel. "Cheers Darlin", that's a good one I feel like relating to the situation at hand. All of this is such a waste of time. I did so much that wasted my time. It could come off as hurtful, but it was. A big waste, so many unnecessary events, gifts, helping hands. Some is what a good friend would do, but most was more than that. Waste waste waste.
Also today, I played childish games from like the 7th grade, like "MASHO" and "LEMON." Pretty entertaining stuff, if only dreams came true, but no...I need to keep running, that's right, back to cpt. Anonymous' comment. Run run run, and today I ran, quite literally, home from practice.